Monthly Archives: September 2013

Do I have good manners, Lord?

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My Parents and Grandparents this last Christmas

Ever had one of those weeks that appears to have a “theme?”  I believe God speaks to us all the time.  Sometimes He does it by bopping us on the head, or whispering quietly in our ear, or sometimes He brings things into our lives again and again until (if we’re paying attention), we see a pattern.  I’ve had a week that seems to have me feeling like a broken record…then it hit me…there’s a theme here.  God is speaking.  How cool…

We’ve been discussing manners at our house.  It seems to me that many times, as parents, we keep manners in a box.  We limit them to saying “please,” or “thank you,” or not blowing our nose at the dinner table.  But having “good manners” should go deeper than that.  I find myself saying things that my parents and grandparents used to say to me.  The other day, as Mattie and I were leaving my work, I said to her, “Did you pick up the kid’s area?”  She answered that she had, and then I said, “Be sure to leave it better than you found it.”  I didn’t even think before saying it.  It was a concept that was drilled into me by my parents, but I learned it most from my grandparents.  When I was a kid my grandpa was a rural letter carrier.  Every year my grandpa and grandma took us to the state rural letter carriers convention with them.  I remember getting up in the morning and making my bed at the hotel (something I didn’t always do at home) because Grandpa would say, “We always leave a place better than we found it.”  When he taught me this, he was telling me that the housekeeper had worth and we needed to treat her with love and respect—even if we never met her, even if she never knew why we were doing it.  Powerful message, and even though I don’t make my bed at home every day, I always think of that when I stay at someone’s house or at a hotel.

But, there’s more to this theme than one comment.   Our daughter Mattie and I have been having deeper conversations than that.  We had the State Fair last week.  It’s a busy week for us because Mattie has many projects there—her biggest being her rabbits.  So, this year, we invited her cousin to spend the weekend with us.  Mattie and Emma are great friends and they had a good time—although they did get on each other’s nerves at points.  Mattie was challenging me on one of those points while we were riding in the car this last week.  She didn’t understand why I seemed to favor Emma’s ideas over hers.  It was an honest emotion, and I understood why she was frustrated.  I tried to explain to her that it wasn’t that I thought Emma had better ideas, it was because Emma was our guest, and that I was being hospitable.  That concept was difficult for a ten year old–who desires her mother’s approval and felt that my choosing her cousin’s ideas over hers was a sign that I didn’t approve of her– to grasp.  So I turned the tables on her.  It gave me a base to deepen the discussion to one of how she acts when she’s a guest.  Does she behave well knowing that people are trying to be hospitable to her?  Is she putting others before herself?  (She’s always been naturally gracious, so this isn’t a problem, but it was a great conversation.)

God, then deepened the theme that was becoming very transparent, when I read this article that was posted on facebook.  (http://www.prodigalmagazine.com/she-yelled-and-called-me-names/)  It tells the story of a lady who is getting a coffee at Starbucks and is treated very poorly by someone else while in the drive-thru.  But, instead of returning evil for evil, she chooses to try to buy the other lady’s coffee.  One quote that blew me away was this, “Instead of getting mad or yelling back at her, a sense of empathy invaded me. I looked at her again, and this time I saw someone different, someone who wrenched my heart. Her eyes were red and puffy. Her hair was pulled back in a natty ponytail. She held her phone in her palm, glancing down at it every few seconds. And she was driving that big ole’ gas hog of a Suburban, my own car of choice when I had three kids at home and a carpool.”  I don’t know that empathy would have been my first reaction to the lady in question.  If you have a chance to read the article, you’ll see that this woman didn’t deserve empathy at all.  But then I thought of how many times I’ve asked God to “open my eyes and help me to see people as You see them.”  I was convicted.

How many times do I not treat people with empathy?  Whether it be the Fed-Ex guy who is driving me crazy, the woman who pulled out in front of me in the grocery store parking lot, or the person who has sinned against me, how does God want me to react?

Matthew 7:12

“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you…”

Proverbs 15:1

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Matthew 5:39

“But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.”

I Peter 3:9

“Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”

I’ve shared with you that I’ve been battling bitterness with a group of people who have sinned against me.  I also shared that I didn’t handle it well and that I began to return evil for evil.  God’s still refining me…thank goodness!  But, He’s used the lessons I’ve been trying to teach my daughter about having “good manners” to open my heart up to something bigger.

God doesn’t want us to be wimps.  He doesn’t want us get walked on, but He wants us to love others—even when they don’t deserve it, especially when they don’t deserve it.  I think about our political climate right now.  I’m very conservative, and I think about all the things I post that support my views.  But, how many of those things attack instead of inform.  How many of those things aim to do evil to people who don’t agree with me.  Ugh. I’ve not been being very Christ-like.

People are hurting.  “Holier than thou” attitudes will not heal them.  If I really want to be like Christ, then I need to change my perspective.  I need to start to allow Him to open my eyes to what has been going on under the surface.  I need to start to have empathy for those who may choose to hurt me.  I need to choose to carry the cross of the pain they cause me and turn the other cheek—like Christ did when He died for me.  I’m not saying that I’m not going to try to change the world. However, God called me to be a light in the world for Him, not a shotgun.  I must not return evil for evil anymore.  After all, I’ve been raised to leave a place better than I found it. 🙂

Staying Alert in Christ,

Megan

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Daddy Daughter Time

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Righteous man

God’s been whispering truths to me this week.  No hitting me on the head this time; this time His quiet voice whispered.  You see, my husband and I have hit what feels like a brick wall.  We have hit the tween years.  Our daughter is almost 11 years old, and she’s very mature in some ways, and immature in others.  I think most kids are like this.  We’re in a rough patch right now because she’s trying to become more independent…and her parents aren’t ready for that.   So, we’re dealing with some attitude, drama, crying, slamming doors—those of you who have raised girls know exactly what I’m talking about.  My husband is particularly vexed by this change in events.  He’s always been Mattie’s buddy.  He’s not one of those “friend” parents, but she and he have had this amazingly wonderful bond that I’ve been blessed to witness.  However, his fishing, crawdad-catching little girl is turning into a young lady…and he’s struggling.  He still wants his fishing buddy.  He misses her in so many ways.  But, she is pushing him away.  And he is so frustrated and hurt.

When I started this blog a couple days ago, I thought I was supposed to write to you about what dads need to do to keep their relationship close to changing girls.  But God, like He does so many times with me, led me in a different direction.  One night my husband and I stayed up late talking about how important it is for him not to pull away from Mattie during these transition years—which is something I think all daddies of little girls face.  (He’s doing an awesome job staying in the battle by the way.)  I found myself explaining why he needed to fight so hard for her heart.  I explained that she will put his traits onto her Heavenly Father.  I implored that he not back away from her…because he represents God in so many ways in her life.  For instance, if he pulls away and and “gives up” when she is sassing, then she will, as she gets older, believe that her heavenly Father can give up on her too.  It was a hard conversation for both of us.  We were both shedding tears of frustration, hurt, and mostly love for our daughter.  I don’t think she has any idea how much we want to help her during this time.

As I worked through my feelings on this and prepared to write this blog, God whispered to me, “Put yourself in his shoes for a bit.”  You see, Jason and Mattie could always talk about anything.  No question was off-limits; she knew she could ask him anything.  They were better at talking than I ever was with her.  A teacher at heart, I was always instructing.  But he was able to listen, explore, and go on adventures with her.  His relationship with her was awe-inspiring.  But now, I am the one she talks to.  We go shopping, get our nails done, and have “girl talk” about how her body is changing, about boys, and about how women fit into the world we live in.  And Daddy, “Just doesn’t understand” anymore.  When I stepped into Jason’s shoes, my heart broke.  I felt like I’d lost something that I could never get back.  I began to weep…and God whispered, “That is how I feel about you…” Ouch.

I asked God, “How have I done that to you, Lord?”  He showed me how I’ve not been the best at going to Him in prayer in the last few months.  I used to sit and talk to Him about everything that was in my life.  But, the battle that I had at work caused me to start obligatorily praying, and not truly spending time with my heavenly “daddy.”  I realized that He felt the very way Jason did, multiplied exponentially, about me.  I’ve been putting Him in a box…I’ve been feeling much like Mattie does, that God, “just doesn’t understand…”
Amazingly, He does understand, and I know that.  He wants to have time with me.  He wants our long chats back.  He wants all of me again.  How I’ve grieved Him…just like my daughter is grieving my husband right now.
My sweet husband has been making “daddy daughter time” a major priority.  He’s taking her fishing, taking her for walks, and really trying to spend real quality time with her.  He’s been loving on her—even when she’s not very lovable.
God wants to do the same thing with me, actually with all of us.  He wants His “daddy daughter time” too.   But I have to meet Him half way.  I have to listen to the whispers in my ear, and I have to respond.  I have to answer when my Daddy calls…He doesn’t want to bop me on the head to get my attention…He wants me to want to spend time with Him.   He wants every part of my life.I think about my sweet daughter, who is having some really not-so-sweet moments right now, and I think of how we all are like her.  We’re mature in some ways, and really immature in others.  God wants us to grow—just like Jason and I want Mattie to grow.  God wants to see us become everything He gifted us to be!  I don’t know about you, but this week, and until He needs to remind me again, I’m going to schedule some real “daddy daughter time.”
Here are some pictures of Jason and Mattie on some of their adventures during the years.  I hope you enjoy them, and they remind you how important fatherhood is and how important you are to your Father.
Staying Alert in Christ,
Megan
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Jason and Mattie when she was two.
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Jason and Mattie age three
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Jason and Mattie age five
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Jason and Mattie age six
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Mattie, age ten, just two days ago having her “daddy daughter time.”

Lessons on Legalism Part 2: Making God Frown

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I have to admit; I’ve had trouble writing this blog.  I’ve put it together several times in my head and on paper, and it never seemed to work out right. I either sounded wishy-washy, or I sounded bitter.  It’s been hard because I am battling bitterness right now.  I totally believe God wanted me to write and publish my last blog.  But, it’s like He’s now frowning, saying, “Okay, you got it off your chest.  You were right.  You proved it.  You spoke it.  And, you’re done.”  So, this will be my last blog in this series.  I won’t be writing four; I’ll end it with two.  God is done with my writing on this subject, and He’s made that clear.  It’s my job to obey.  I don’t like it when I make God frown.

The other thing that He’s been speaking to me about is that I need to be honest.  I was part of the legalistic problem.  In order for me to truly be able to write this blog, I have to accept part of the blame.  I don’t want to do that.  I don’t think anyone likes taking blame…but this is particularly hard for me, because I bought into the lie.  I bought into legalism hook, line, and (definitely) sinker…So, for me to write this and really speak to you…I need to be honest.  The reason I understand and see the dangers of legalism are because I was one.

I truly believe that people don’t step into legalism on purpose.  I know I didn’t.  I stepped into it with a real desire to please God. I became close to a group of people who were following God with all their hearts, or at least that’s what I believed at the time, and I did grow closer to God at first.  Being legalistic feels like a call to righteousness.  But, what eventually happened is that I started to believe that I knew better than the Holy Spirit.  Instead of reading my bible and letting it speak to me, I started using it to find proofs for what I believed.  (Which is what I was doing in my last post, I might add…anyone besides me find it dry?  🙂  )   I started holding people to a standard that I couldn’t meet. I became critical, judgmental, and very un-Christlike.

I didn’t used to be this way.  I just liked to love on people.  I listened.  It was one of the things my students liked about me.  I would talk to them about how much God loved them.  I would show them God’s love by forgiving them, and by loving them no matter what they did.  However, the last year of my teaching, I didn’t do that at all.  To other people, I would defend my students and fight for them, but in the classroom I spent most of my time chewing them out for the very things I was trying to protect them from.  It was a vicious cycle.  They stopped believing that I loved them.  They started to rebel against me, and against God.  It was the hardest thing I’ve experienced teaching.  I watched them become the very thing I was fighting against.  And, because I was fighting against legalism everywhere but in my own classroom, I had no support system. I’d become the enemy.  The other teachers had become like Cain and wanted to destroy Abel.  I felt very alone.

It would be easy for me to say that the blame belonged to the other staff.  The truth is, much of it was.  My students had progressed through a very legalistic system—which is why they loved my classroom so much.   But, as a friend pointed out, I began to return evil for evil.   I was part of the problem because I’d stopped fighting the good fight.  I’d become the enemy.  I was just as bad as were.

But, there is hope.  In my case, God led me to step away so the school could heal.  The school has almost all new staff—staff that love God and desire to show God to the world (not just shelter their children from it).  The board also took my suggestions to heart and put almost everything I’d asked for into place.  It’s not the same school.  God used my brokenness and made something truly wonderful.  I can attest to this because after explaining to God how I never wanted my daughter to go back there, He told me that she should.  Talk about humbling. And she is LOVING this school year.  She comes home every day, excited and fueled. It’s amazing.  I pray every student is feeling this.  I especially pray for my former students whom I failed in so many ways last year.  God is good.  He has a plan for them, and even though they may not believe it, He’s been breaking away the legalistic shell (that I didn’t create but couldn’t seem to destroy) that stifled their growth and crushed their faith. And, he’s changing me back into a person who is just in love with Him…I know it, because others are seeing it in me.  I’m seeing it in myself, and I know God is smiling…

Staying Alert in Christ,

Megan

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