Our Example Matters

Posted on June 8, 2016 by Megan

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I remember the scene perfectly: me, sitting in a scratchy dress squished into a hard-wood pew, the thread-worn olive-green cushions meant to protect my rump and keep me comfortable only making me itch more. Looking up to see my larger-than-life father in the pew beside me with his brown hard-backed bible in his hands. He hung on every word the pastor said. He drank it all in. I tried to do the same, but it was very hard with the amount of chaffing going on. I caught bits and pieces of the lessons that so enamored my dad. I knew Dad would hash and rehash the message with Mom on the way home and through the coming week. I knew that, if I listened, I would garner much more knowledge than one sermon could possibly do on its own—after all, I was being raised by the two best teachers in the world—or at least I thought so.

There are so many things my parents taught me over the years. The argument could be made that the most vital lesson they taught me was to think. They never took a sermon, book, movie, or newscast at face value. They always looked at things from multiple perspectives and then weighed what they learned against the Word. I received an education far beyond what I would have learned just sitting in a pew or reading a book. I learned how to reason, where priorities should be placed—in the Word, and most importantly that I don’t have to agree with someone else to still love them and learn from them. My parents didn’t always agree with the sermons they heard in church, but I never heard them cutting others down. However, they discussed what was taught and evaluated it by what God has said.

I miss those car rides home. I miss those discussions. I miss the evaluation that was granted to me second-hand. However, now I get to do the same thing for my daughter. Mattie is asking the hard questions, “Mom, if God really loves my friends, why does he allow them to suffer?” “Mom, I just want him to be happy. Is it wrong if what makes him happy is a sin?” “Mom, is it okay to be angry at God that my friend was hurt?” Tough questions—questions where black-and-white answers are sometimes more harmful than helpful. Instead of giving her a canned answer, we evaluate every situation. We weigh what God said in His word against what the world is saying she should do. We talk a lot about God’s heart and His Grace. In today’s world, we can no longer simply pour the Word into our children and expect that they know how to use it. Our children are faced with painful situations where, if they don’t know God personally, they are not going to impact their culture for Him—but rather poison it against Him. We cannot send kids out into the world without preparing them to deal with its trials, pains, and heartaches.

Teaching children that they should be seen and not heard, telling children that they have to blindly follow, and forcing our faith on our children doesn’t lead our children to trust God—or us. It leads to rebellion. Leading our children through the Word with love, admitting we don’t have all the answers, praying with our children, asking our children about their own prayer life, encouraging them to ask the hard questions, having a relationship with our children that is built on respect is how we show our children the real heart of God. He is not their dictator, but their Father. He asks us to “come, let us reason together,” in Isaiah 1:18. He doesn’t ask for us to blindly follow someone we don’t know. He asks us to have a relationship with Him and to have faith in Him—even when we don’t understand or agree with what we see. That is love. That is who God is. That is what it means to be a Christian. Our children learn how to follow God from watching us follow Him. They learn how to interact with God by watching us interact with Him. Lord help us be the examples they need.

Lord, help me show her she’s enough…

Posted on May 1, 2014 by Megan

Before Easter I had the awesome opportunity to take my daughter to the “Secret Keeper Crazy Hair Tour,” in a nearby town. If you have the chance to take your daughter to one of these events, please do so. Don’t let conflicts get in your way—it will bless you and your daughter immensely! One of the most impacting moments was after one of the speakers shared her personal testimony about her battle with body image. After sharing that God doesn’t want the girls to be “normal” but instead that they should be endeavoring to be “Crazy” for God, the speaker asked everyone’s eyes to close. She led the girls in laying their own hand on the area of their body that they don’t like—a place that they feel is unattractive, ugly, or not “normal.” After doing this the speaker asked that the girls pray with her giving that area, which they have no control over because their bodies are changing, over to God. She then asked God to clear the girls’ minds of the desire to be anything but themselves. It was an amazing experience. I opened my eyes, tears streaming down my face, to see my daughter looking up at me, tears streaming down her face. Then I hugged her and prayed over her. I believe it changed our relationship forever.

In the following weeks I’ve had many opportunities to remind Mattie of the things she learned and experienced at the event. She’s battled hormones, a boy who put a mean sign on her back, a virus that caused her to miss a week of school, and then a double ear infection that caused her to miss even more. She’s been weary and overwhelmed. One day she said to me, “Mom, no matter what I do, I’ll never be enough.”

It broke my heart. It also reminded me of a speaker I listened to at our denomination’s women’s retreat several years ago. I wish I could remember her name so I could give her credit here, but I just can’t bring it to mind. What she said made an impact on me because she spoke right to what I was feeling as a young married mom. She said, “The world tells you you’re not enough and too much all at the same time.”

“The world tells you you’re not enough and too much

all at the same time.”

I’ve felt that. I’ve felt like there wasn’t enough of me to go around. Like I’d never be super mom. Like I am doomed to fail as a mother and as a lover of Christ. The world shoved works down my throat and asked me to “strive” to do better. All the while I felt bombarded by the feelings that I was too “over the top,” or “too emotional,” or “too excited.” I was not enough and yet too much.

What made things even worse was that those messages weren’t sent to me by a males-centric society, but rather, by other women! It went deeper than just what my clothes looked like to things like how long it took me to find a Bible verse or what I chose to wear to church. I felt like I had to constantly strive to be something I’m not—and every person had different expectations. I could never be enough. I never felt at peace. I still don’t, if I’m truly honest.

I remember being Mattie’s age. It was a horrible time. I remember sitting in my bed crying at night because the other girls at school were so cruel. I was a hugger and I just loved everyone. I remember my mother trying to get me to “just calm down,” and to “not wear my heart on my sleeve.” I remember sobbing and saying, “but you’re asking me not to be me.”

“but you’re asking me not to be me.”

What I’ve been pondering this week is, “How do we as mothers do this to our daughters?” Do I make Mattie feel like she’s not enough and yet too much? If I’m completely honest, yes, I do that. I don’t want her to be hurt by the legalism at her school, so I sometimes don’t let her wear what she wants—even if it fits dress code and it’s modest. I’ve seen her respond to this by not wanting to wear her hair down so that people won’t think she’s too proud of it, or that they think she’s a “girly-girl.”

All the while, I’m telling her things like, “calm down,” “not so loud,” “act like a big girl please.” I’m showing her that who she is, isn’t enough, and yet it’s too much. I’m training her to do the very things that I have fought to free myself from.

I told you at the beginning of this blog that this event changed our relationship forever. It’s starting with me. I’m starting to say things like “If you like your hair like that, then do it,” and after checking to see if something is modest asking, “Do you feel pretty in it? Then wear it!” Now, I’m not quite to the point of letting her wear paisley and plaid together (because I have to teach her some decorum) but the point is, I’m trying to accept her for who she is—so that she knows she’s enough for me.

I’m trying to accept her for who she is—

so that she knows she’s enough for me.

Our Heavenly Father created each of us because He wanted our companionship. He has a plan for our lives, and He never questions if we’re enough. He never feels that we’re too much either—because He made us to be who we are. He knows that we are perfect in our salvation from the blood of His precious Son. So why do we let Satan convince us that we’re not? Why do we let others do that to us?

That’s over at our house. My frog catching, snake loving, horse riding, girly-girl is perfectly created by a perfect God. It’s time I started treating her like it.

Lord, I repent of not showing Mattie her beauty that you placed in her. Help me to see her through Your perfect eyes. Help me to show her that whatever she does, if she does it for You she will be enough. Thank you Lord for re-making me as a mom…I love you Lord. Amen.

Staying Alert in Christ,

Megan

Playlist:

Jonny Diaz, “More Beautiful You” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNqQUojBg84

Casting Crowns, “All You Ever Wanted” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ea-uQFPcvaM

Big Daddy Weave, “Redeemed,” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzGAYNKDyIU

Lord, give me Your eyes for her…

Posted on April 8, 2014 by Megan

Last night was a rough night at our house. We didn’t have any major mental melt-downs, thank the Lord, but we did have some turmoil. If I’m being completely truthful, the stress started the night before. Mattie and I came home from a fun time doing “chores” at my parents’ home (it’s hard to call them chores when Mattie loves them so much). Any time with horses is heaven on earth for her—and we were both so wired that we didn’t fall right asleep. This meant we woke up tired, and by the end of the school day for her and the workday for me, our fuses were short.

My plans were very well thought out and if they went as I’d hoped, I knew I’d be in great shape for the rest of the week.

After I picked her up from school, I immediately knew that the evening was not going to go as I had planned. My plans were very well thought out and if they went as I’d hoped, I knew I’d be in great shape for the rest of the week. I needed to sew her costume for school on Wednesday. She could do her homework at the table where I was sewing, and she’s been wanting to cook supper lately, so I thought I’d let her! This would give me extra time to work on her dress!

Unfortunately, that’s not how the evening went.

First, my husband hadn’t had time to get groceries before he left for work, which meant I needed to go pick them up—that was going to cut about an hour out of my plans, but hey, that’s not bad. Then when Mattie got in the car, she announced she had 4 pages of math homework and a paper to write (because she’d forgotten about it over the weekend). Ugh! There goes our great evening.

I took a deep breath, and we made a plan together. We hurried through the grocery shopping, and after doing chores when we got home, I set the timer for her to play outside for 15 minutes while I got things lined up to sew her dress. That’s when our evening started to fall apart…

“Mom! I’m so stupid!”

She came in from looking for toads outside, with big bags under her eyes. I could tell she was exhausted, but I said to her, “You can do this!” She decided to work in my room instead of at the table so the sewing machine wouldn’t distract her. And then the questions started.

“Mom!” came the scream from the back room, “I don’t remember how to classify this triangle!”

“Mom! I can’t figure out this math at all!”

“Mom! I’m so stupid!”

“Mom! How am I supposed to write this dumb paper, when I don’t even know who this guy is!”

And it went on…with every gripe and complaint I became more and more frustrated…

My thoughts raced:

“Why can’t she just do her homework without all this.”

“I get so tired of her complaining.”

“If she’d just try before she gripes!”

“I’m never going to get this dress done!”

My exasperation escalated with every complaint. My evening that I had mapped out was down the drain, and I was never going to get this dress done! That’s when things exploded.

“Mom! You don’t want to help me! You don’t care about me at all!” With that, she ran into her room and slammed the door.

I lost my temper. I told her she that she was ungrateful, and that she had to stay in her room and that she couldn’t cook supper and that I wasn’t sewing her dress after all because now, I had to cook supper and I couldn’t get it all done! I’m not supermom!

I called my mom—the original super mom—and started venting.

“Mom! Why can’t she just do her work!”

“Mom! She’s making me crazy!”

“Mom! I’m making this costume for her, and she won’t let me work!”

“Mom! Will you please talk to her?”

My mother, always the peacemaker, said sure. Before long, Mattie came out and truly apologized. I told her, “Why don’t you take a break from your homework and start supper.” She quietly complied, and we visited about school and about life, as I coached her cooking and continued to sew. Later, I called Mom back.

“What did you say to her to make her stop?”

“I just told her that you both were feeling the same thing…”

“What?”

“You both were frustrated, overwhelmed, and low on time. Once she saw that, she calmed right down.”

Wow.

How many times have I told her that she needs to think of others before herself, and she needs to show love for people despite what she may be feeling! How many times have I prayed for God to give me His eyes for the world, and yet, I’ve not asked the same thing for my daughter? I was so caught up in my own timeline and plans that I missed that she was feeling the exact same way. How is it that two people going through the same exact emotions can get so angry at each other and forget that, “since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.” (1 John 4:11)

How many times have I prayed for God to give me His eyes for the world, and yet, I’ve not asked the same thing for my daughter?

Lord, I’ve been working so hard to teach Mattie to live like You. Help me to see her through Your eyes so I can see the big picture of her life—not just the details. Mold me into the mom You want me to be…Amen.

Staying Alert in Christ,

Megan

Playlist:

“Give Me Your Eyes” Brandon Heath: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5AkNqLuVgY

“My Own Little World” Matthew West: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9Yasgzjc0w

Burn Me Up Lord…

Posted on April 3, 2014 by Megan

Photo by Sandy Johnson

I love spring in the Great Plains. I love the look of the grass as it peeks through the blackened dirt after a field has been burned. I love the smell of smoke in the air. I love the muted look the smoke gives the farmlands around us when the sun shines through it. For those of you who don’t live in the heartland, you probably don’t understand why my thoughts of spring relate so much to fire. You see, each spring the Flint Hills light up with lines of fire. These controlled burns destroy all the dead undergrowth left over after the cold of winter and clear the pastures of parasites. Farmers do this so new, fresh, healthy grass can grow back in its place. It’s a beautiful and powerful sight for those of us who live here.

: Photo by Michelle Tessaro. Check out http://www.michelleslens.com!

Recently I realized that this practice is much like what some of us attempt to do during Lent. Lent is a time when some Christians choose to give up something that they care about for the 40 days prior to Easter. We do this because we want draw closer to God through our sacrifice—it’s 40 days long to remind us of the 40 days that Jesus went into the wilderness to fast and be tempted. Every time we think of the item that we have sacrificed, we instead turn our hearts toward God and the greatest sacrifice ever. There’s something special about this time. It’s a time where we really evaluate what is important in our lives—and what we can do without. It’s like spring-cleaning for our hearts: just as the burning fields clean out the dead undergrowth that survived the winter, Lent asks us to give up things that we’ve been holding onto that aren’t good for us and we don’t need, all while drawing closer to the One and only God.

This year, instead of giving up something I really like for Lent, God asked me to break the rules. I decided to ask God what part of my life He wanted me to give up—what needed to be burned away. He showed me areas I didn’t want to see. He showed me ways I’d hurt those that I love, and asked me to give up something I didn’t even know I’d become attached to—harsh words.

Lately, I’ve been convicted that we as Christians need to behave more like Christ in the political arena. I’ve written about this conviction in the past, but this revelation was new. I’ve worked to tame my tongue on social media and in public, but God showed me how I’ve been harsh with my daughter. He spoke to my troubled heart: “Don’t forget her, she’s so much more important than the world…”

: Photo by Travis Harrison

It’s like she’s standing on a cliff. She’s teetering between the young woman she wants to be and one that is ruled by her hormones and emotions. Her behavior is, sometimes, very frustrating to me. I find myself saying things like, “You’re being such a brat!” and, “What’s wrong with you!” Granted, there are much worse things that I could be saying, but the fact that even though she was acting like a brat, and she does seem to lose her mind at times, it doesn’t give me the right to point out to her what she already knows.

You see, she knows that she’s being difficult, and she doesn’t like that she is. In her heart of hearts, she wants to be the sweet, kind, and empathetic child she used to be—but her hormones, her strong will, and her pride are keeping her from doing that right now.

The old adage, “Sticks and stones may break my bones,

but words can never hurt me,” is a lie straight from the pit of hell.

The old adage, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me,” is a lie straight from the pit of hell. Scripture tells us quite the opposite. It tells us in Proverbs 18:9 that “death and life are in the power of the tongue…” Over and over, scripture says that our words are powerful, and we have the ability to speak good into the world or speak evil. We can conquer demons, defeat enemies, and heal relationships with our words. My words, whether accurate or not, have power in my daughter’s life. I can choose to speak joy, peace, and love into her life, or I can choose to push her over the cliff she’s teetering on. And, that power rests with me.

This Lenten season, every time I’ve gotten angry or frustrated with her sass or over-reactions, I’ve turned my heart toward God and asked that He give me the words that speak life into her–instead of discouragement– while still correcting her behavior. God is working on her. He’s been burning down brush piles in her heart—just like He’s doing in mine. I can’t forget that. I need to be on her team, to be the voice that helps bring new life to the barren field left behind her anger and frustration. I am to be there and love her unconditionally after the last ember has died off. After all, that’s what God has done for me.

I love spring. I love the promise of new life—eternal life. I love how God renews the earth and my heart each year. Thank you Lord for remaking me…Burn me up, Lord.

: Photo by Natalie Winters

Staying alert in Christ,

Megan

For more information about why pastures are burned: http://thepioneerwoman.com/blog/2011/05/why-we-burn-our-pastures/

Playlist:

“Speak Life” Toby Mac: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZeBv9r92VQ0

“Wonderful Words of Life”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7x3OX6v5_o

“Words” Hawk Nelson: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anVweXDcxhA

“Making Me” Sidewalk Prophets: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGkmPeVpBbI

“Starts with Me” Tim Timmons: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pslWA2VRmxg

What do You want me to say, Lord?

Posted on February 27, 2014 by Megan

Hello friends! I pray that you have had a wonderful couple of weeks, as have I. God’s been challenging me in new and exciting ways, as I continue this journey of drawing closer to Him. I’m excited to share these new insights with you over the next few weeks, but God is still growing them in me. So, today, instead of going terribly deep, I thought I’d share a simple, yet deeply profound discovery. I pray it blesses you.

This discovery started a couple of weeks ago when I was fretting (I do this way too much, don’t you!) I had the children’s sermon in church. I worry every time I have it because, first, I want to share something that will impact these children and perhaps give them a clear memory that God will use in their lives, and second, I want to remind the adults in the congregation of the simple, yet profound, joys that God shares with us. These building blocks are so important. I feel sometimes we lose track of them as we get older, and being reminded of them is a gift. So, I feel a deep obligation to speak what God would have me speak. In other words, I put a lot of unneeded pressure on myself. I usually try to do an object lesson and have something to give the kids that reminds them of that lesson; however, after a long hard week, Saturday arrived and I still had no idea what I was going to teach about.

I was so tired—as I have been frequently lately—and my husband, daughter, and I were grabbing a quick bite to eat out because I didn’t want to cook. (On a side note, my husband has taken over the cooking this week because I’m still feeling very tired. I have to brag on him and how good he is to me. He works the evening shift and isn’t home when we have supper, but he’s put things in the crockpot, pre-cooked meat, and even purchased all our groceries this week! I am one blessed woman!) When I shared my dilemma, Mattie, my sweet daughter who is incredibly horse crazy, piped up: “You could teach about Muley!” Muley is a horse her Papa is giving her at the beginning of summer break. I laughed because I knew she was going to say this. We don’t go a single day without at least 15 questions about her new horse. My response to her suggestion: “Mattie, I know you love Muley, but how can I share about God through that?”

Isn’t it so amazing how God works? Jason said, “I’m sure you can think of something that horses do that you can use to teach the kids about God.” I paused, and asked God, “What do you want me to say Lord?” I immediately got the picture of an old rickety bridge not far from my childhood home, and a memory surfaced.

When I was young, not much older than my daughter is now, I used to ride my horse Chata down the road by our home. About two miles down this road was a very old bridge. The bridge was low to the water and often when it rained the water would wash over the top of it. This made holes in it where the cement and gravel had washed away, and you could see the creek beneath.

One afternoon in the spring I was riding Chata, and we came upon this bridge. The water was up, but it wasn’t rushing. It was more like a gentle stream over the top of the road. We’d been here often enough that I knew where to cross to avoid any washed out portions of the bridge. I clucked at Chata, but she balked. I couldn’t get her to go through the water. After a couple attempts, I got off her back and walked her across the creek—getting myself wet in the process, but earning her trust. We came back to that creek many more times as I got older, and she never balked again. She trusted that I knew where to lead her and she would be safe.

I once asked my dad why horses feared water like they do. He explained that horses have little to no depth perception. A horse can see the water, but it can’t see how deep it is. So, while I could see that the water was only a couple of inches deep and not dangerous, she couldn’t. She didn’t know that she’d be safe until I got off her back and led her through her trial.

God whispered, “That just like you.” Immediately I saw the world through Chata’s eyes. With God as my rider, guiding me through the crags and snares of life, I’ve learned to trust His design. But, oh, how many times have I balked. I come across a trial, and I can’t see the depth of it. I can’t tell if I’ll make it through to the other side, or if it will swallow me whole. But, God can. He knows where the holes are. He knows how deep it is and how long I’ll be in it. I just have to learn to trust him—like Chata learned to trust me. How many times has He climbed out of the saddle to walk beside me and coax me through life? How many times have I slowed a blessing because of my fear and unbelief? I need to completely surrender control to my Rider, and trust that He will keep me safe.

Amazing. God always has a plan. It’s a blessing to have a horse-crazy daughter after all. The neatest thing is that I remembered that my sweet Chata, who passed away my freshman year in college, is the grandmother to Mattie’s Muley. How precious is our God. Things have a way of coming full circle. The blessings from the Lord are immense and beyond my understanding.

Lord, thank you for giving me such wonderful reminders of who You are. Thank you for being a faithful friend and rider. I surrender control to You and trust that, even when I don’t know the outcome, You do. You give me so much more than I deserve. I love You. Amen.

Staying Alert in Christ,

Megan

Playlist:

“You Lead” Jamie Grace http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFmSzL2ppvg

“Keep Making Me” Sidewalk Prophets http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGkmPeVpBbI

“Speak Life” Toby Mac http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZeBv9r92VQ0

“Love Take Me Over” Steven Curtis Chapin http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W8DiZhNVu1I

Lord, are You my “room of requirement”?

Posted on February 12, 2014 by Megan

I started writing this blog over a week ago. It just didn’t seem to be coming together, and I almost chucked it. But, isn’t God good! He’s shown me so much more this last week, and I pray that He uses this blog to bless you!

A confession…

I have a confession to make, but before I get disowned, please hear me out. Okay, here goes: I have read the entire Harry Potter series. Now, wait! Before you close this blog out, let me explain.

I started reading the series when my daughter was in kindergarten. Prior to this, I’d held the view that the series was bad news, and that Christians should stay as far away from them as they could. So, I did. But, then my daughter brought home an ABC book from the library. (She was in public school at the time, but it was a small and very conservative school) The book was about all of the wonderful books you could check out from your local library. Being an English teacher, this excited me that she’d checked it out—and guess what, “H” was for Harry Potter.

When we read this little book together, my daughter knew every title but this one. So, I told her it was a book about magic and quickly moved to the next page. However, this interchange got me to thinking, “Has Harry Potter become part of our culture, or is he just a passing phase?” The more research I did, the more I became convinced that this book series not only had a huge fan base, but many terms that were invented for use in the book were becoming part of our language—it was growing into a part of the culture as a whole. Humph.

My husband and I sat down and discussed this. We agreed that I should read the series so as to know what to do if our daughter ever decided to read she wanted to read it. We did this prayerfully, and I asked God to expose every danger and give me discernment as I read. I was convinced I would hate every minute of it. I was sure I’d find sin and discord at the turn of every page!

I didn’t. What I found, and later verified through research, was a series that is not unlike that of Narnia, or The Lord of the Rings (with a marked difference in the author not desiring to impart Christ). In fact Rowling admits that much of what she wrote is based in her Christian upbringing—although she also admits to have many other influences as well. I believe that, like people, books have good and bad in them. Some are not worth reading—but some, even with their flaws, are. Now, I’m not going to try to convince you to read the series. It’s okay for us to disagree. However, I felt you needed to understand this background before I got to the main point of my blog.

And now, getting to that point…

I’ve been blessed with an amazing opportunity to serve on a ministry team for a local women’s retreat. I’ve attended this retreat every year, without fail, for twelve years. It’s blessed my life, changed me, and challenged me. You can imagine how excited, and nervous, I was to attend my first planning meeting. After introduction of the new members of the team and some housecleaning discussion, our first activity was to take a prayer walk (in the freezing cold) around the grounds to pray for the retreat, and more importantly, to ask God what His will was for this year’s retreat. As I started to pray, I couldn’t get my brain to just settle in on God…so I sat down and started writing out what God had done for me through this retreat. Soon enough words started flowing that I knew weren’t from me, and as I prayed I said, “God, what is it You want? How can this retreat help Your people?” Words that all started with “R” starting flowing onto the paper. He wanted the retreat to be a rest, a renewal, to provide revelation, bring revival, a refreshing of the Word, a requirement…wait…what was that Lord? How can we make this retreat a requirement? That seems harsh. I prayed and waited. What came to mind? Harry Potter—weird, I know. I prayed that God would make it clear to me that He was speaking, and his answer, “I can be that.”

“You can be what Lord?” The image of the “room of requirement” from the Harry Potter series again came to mind.

“I can be that…’

The room of requirement is “… a room that a person can only enter when they have real need of it… when it appears, it is always equipped for the seeker’s needs.” (Doby the house elf) So the Lord can be a magical room that shows itself when a person is need. I wrote down the idea and looked at the time. My time was up, and I had to get back into the meeting. Oh how I wanted to spend some real time—even in the freezing cold—visiting with my Lord about this! Even while cutting the conversation short, I knew this idea was something God was going to build upon in the next few days. I had no idea that it would be weeks, and He’s still showing me more.

I started pondering the times in the book series when the room showed itself. The two instances that were most prominent in my memory were when the children of Hogwarts were preparing for battle against the forces of evil and they needed a place to practice, and when that evil had taken over, they found a place or refuge where they could congregate together in safety. The room, in both instances was equipped with exactly what the children needed. It provided a safe place and a refuge—it gave them just what they needed. I also found it interesting that the room was located on the 7th floor of the castle—a holy number.

As I continued to pray about it, God showed me that the analogy wasn’t perfect. He does not give what is needed to those whose work is for evil—and the room in the story does. And, He is not limited in what He can give, while the room cannot make food for those who need it. However, it’s an interesting thought. What if we truly made God our “room of requirement”? What does His word say about His desire and ability to meet our daily needs?

“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19

“Therefore do not worry, saying; “What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we wear? For it is the Gentiles who strive for all these things; and indeed your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:31-33

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds!” Luke 12:22-24

“So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” Matthew 6:34

“And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to the span of life?” Luke 12:25

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.” John 14:27

These verses are just the tip of the iceberg. God continually shows us in His word that He wants what is best for us. He wants to give us what we need. He wants to give us so much more than our simple minds can fathom.

In regard to the Retreat, God showed me that He wants the women attending to see that He can supply all that they need. They don’t need anything but Him. Most of us know this, but we don’t live it out day-to-day. We try so hard to be self sufficient, that we forget that we need to be dependent. We need to completely depend on Christ for our every need. God can be our very own room of requirement. We can enter into His presence and have every need met and every heartache healed.

I find it amazing that God can use anything to show me biblical truths—even Harry Potter.

Lord, today, it’s my desire to become completely dependent on You. Lord, keep calling me into Your presence. Don’t let me wander Lord. I want my every breath, and my every step to be about You. Amen.

Staying Alert In Christ,

Megan

Playlist:

“Declaration of Dependence,” Steven Curtis Chapman: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GpwrBn0eXQ&list=PLCC72C714A25775FB

“Magnificent Obsession,” Steven Curtis Chapman: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cel_O-qy0i0

“Keep Making Me,” Sidewalk Prophets: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGkmPeVpBbI

I’m unpacking my burdens, Lord.

Posted on November 26, 2013 by Megan

I haven’t written in a couple of weeks. In that time I’ve done a lot of packing and unpacking. I packed a suitcase for my daughter to go on her first trip without her parents—she went to Amarillo, Texas, to the National Finals Ranch Rodeo as a birthday present from my parents. I packed a change of clothes for my husband and myself to change into after the funeral of a dear uncle who died in a house fire. I packed clean clothes and toiletries as we went to use the showers at a friend’s house when our plumbing sprung multiple leaks…again. I packed to visit my brother and his sweet family in Kansas City, and this week, I’ll pack again for visits to family for Thanksgiving. I think you can tell why I haven’t written in a couple weeks.

It’s amazing to me how God uses simple—some would say meaningless—tasks and speaks meaning into them. I have felt so burdened carrying around these suitcases seemingly everywhere I go. And, like He does so many times, God used that feeling to show me something about myself. I’ve become quite the pack mule. I’ve been carrying around many burdens that are only hurting me. I’ve been holding onto heartache from a family member who continues to do things that are, from my perspective, hurtful. I’ve been carrying the weight of my daughter’s whole future (don’t all mom’s do this…we worry about how we’re going to prepare our children for the world). I’ve been carrying around the fear that, even with four jobs and faithful parents, we’ll starve. I’ve been carrying around unforgiveness toward a dear friend who betrayed my trust. Yep. I’m a pack mule.

One afternoon, while I was heading down to do chores in the barn, I was having a real gripe-fest of a prayer. I was complaining about one of these situations to God. I just couldn’t understand why this person continued to behave the way she does. I was venting…and God whispered. “That’s not your burden, Megan.” I opened my heart and listened more deeply. He said, “Her actions are her burdens to bear…not yours.” How many times have I done this Lord! I borrow trouble, or worry about all of the things other people are saying and doing. I can’t control her. She will reap the consequences of her actions, and that has nothing to do with me. Yikes—that realization was a little humbling, but mostly freeing.

A Bible study leader of mine taught once on the “Laws of the Harvest.” I believe she was using Adrian Rogers’ template. She said that there were three laws. First, you will reap what you sow. Simple enough, but it’s true. Our actions have consequences. Second, you will reap more than you sowed. Yikes. And third, you will reap later than you sowed. How does all this fit in with me being a pack mule? I have enough reaping and sowing of my own without worrying about what someone else is doing. I’ve seen and done this so many times. I’ve chosen to worry and bear burdens like I have control over the harvest of another person. I don’t. God does.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11: 28-30

I have a lot to learn. I’ve read that verse so many times. I’ve often thought, “Wouldn’t it be nice if I could actually do that?” And, “What would that feel like?” But I knew I didn’t truly understand it. Until now.

I’ve been experiencing a real revival in my heart. God’s been doing amazing things. He’s been breaking down barriers and building up truth in their place. I’ve been seeing the world differently. Very differently. So, I’m unpacking. I’m unpacking lies that I’ve bought into. I’m seeking His truth instead of simply believing what other Christians have said. I’m digging deeply into His word and asking the hard questions. I’m evaluating my beliefs and asking “should I believe this Lord?” I’ve asked Him to lead me in my studies. I’m looking for a radical, life changing, faith.

The other day my daughter and I saw a homeless person standing on the side of the road. We see them a lot, and Mattie always wants to give them money. I always say, “We just don’t have the money.” And, “ We don’t know what they’ll use the money on.” This time, as I passed, Mattie said to me again, “Why can’t we give him money, Mommy?” I started my regular speech, but I felt my stomach clench…which is a sure sign that God wants me to do something different. I started praying, “God, what do you want me to do?” I had a five dollar bill in my purse. Not much. But God was telling me to give it to the man. So, I turned around and headed back into the parking lot. Mattie exclaimed, “Are we giving him money?!” I said, “Yes, God wants me to.” I rolled down my window, and I saw a man who looked a lot my own husband. He looked humiliated. I immediately felt a surge of empathy. He said, “Thank you so much ma’am.” I smiled and said, “it’s not much, but it’s all I’ve got.” As I drove away I began to weep. Mattie didn’t understand and thought I was worried, “ Mom, what if he uses it to buy drugs?” What came out of my mouth blew my mind, as it wasn’t even on my mind. “I’m not responsible for what he does with the money. I’m responsible to God, and He wanted me to give that man my last $5.” It was freeing and powerful. I finally understood what Jesus meant when He asked us to “take his yoke.” He offers such freedom, if we’ll just learn from Him.

So, Lord, help me to keep unpacking my burdens. Show me Your truth. Show me Your will. Show me how You want me to treat others. I want the seeds I sow to reap a good harvest for You.

This week’s playlist:

Casting Crowns “All You Ever Wanted” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ea-uQFPcvaM

Laura Story “I Can Just Be Me” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VRUU8UBXCk

Big Daddy Weave “Redeemed” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzGAYNKDyIU

Mark Schultz “All Things Possible” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrW2Xwkhyso

Jason Gray “More Like Falling in Love” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXHxpLvv2y8

The Word is Alive…

Posted on November 2, 2013 by Megan

Photo taken by my daughter, and I added the quote. “In the beginning was the Word, and the word was with God and the Word was God…” John 1:1 This past week, I’ve been in a real spiritual battle. I’ve … Continue reading →

Retreating from God

Posted on October 7, 2013 by Megan

I made a harsh realization this weekend. Even though I’ve been closer to God in the last few months than I have been in years, even though this season in my life has me leaning on Him more than ever– I’ve been retreating from Him. I’ve been shying away when He convicts me in one certain area. This area is tender…any mention of it makes my heart quiver. I’m still very broken. So, I’ve built up a shell around my hurt, kind of like a scab, or scales. The problem is that the scales have gotten in the way of the wound really healing. What I’ve done to protect myself has only made my pain deeper and last longer than it really needed to…and that all changed this past weekend.

Every year, since my first year of marriage, I have attended a ladies retreat with my church friends. I’ll never forget the first year: strapped for cash, ladies whom I hardly knew offered to pay my way, offered to bless me. I was too proud to accept their kindness though, and I ended up scrounging up the money to go. I was so blessed by the experience. I don’t even remember who the speaker was or what she spoke about, but I do remember going back to my cabin in tears and those same sweet ladies ministering to a very scared newlywed. I just love these ladies. I can’t speak enough about how having them in my life has changed me, blessed me…they’ve discipled me.

This year is my thirteenth year going to Retreat. Every year I come planning to be renewed and loved on by my Heavenly Father, and every year He shows up. I prayed as I entered beautiful Rock Springs that He would show up again this year. I prayed that I would be His vessel if others needed help. I prayed that I would be renewed. It’s been such a hard year, and I needed to retreat. I immediately felt the presence of the Holy Spirit speaking to my soul…I felt Him whispering a love song to me. I settled into my rest and was full of Joy to be at a place that has been a spiritual renewal for me for so long…and then, my sin nature reared its ugly head.

When I arrived at our cabin, I discovered all of the beds were already taken. Frustrated, I went from room to room trying to find a spot for me and my best friend, who wasn’t able to arrive until later in the evening. My frustration must have been pretty evident because one of the ladies from our group came to my rescue and helped me make up a rollaway bed in the living room next to a pull-out couch. The thoughts rolling through my brain weren’t nice and are not worth repeating. I’m working four jobs to make ends meet right now, and I was so aggravated that the fee I’d had to save, scrimp, and go without meals for didn’t even get me a bed. I’m just glad I kept my cool. I texted my friend, “I’m grumpy about [not having a bed], so it’s your job to make me thankful I’m here…K!” I was trying to make light of the situation. Her response, “We can deal! Guess that means you will have to stay up with me in the main room till everyone goes to sleep. LOL!” I’m so glad I have a friend who understands me. She knew I needed her to not empathize but to tell me to grow up. It’s a real blessing to have a friend like that.

I wish this was the end of my grumpiness, but it wasn’t. When I arrived at the dining hall, I discovered that one of the women who had treated me so terribly at my last job was at Retreat as well. There are four ladies that I worked with who sinned terribly against me, and one of them was here! At my retreat! At the retreat I’d faithfully attended every year of my marriage. She was like the evil sidekick to my arch nemesis, and she was here! I felt my back tighten, my shoulders hunch, and the scales around my pain shift into protective layers.

I left the dining hall hardly speaking. I probably would have been muttering had I spoken at all. But no one asked me to, thankfully, and I quietly found my seat. The praise team entered and I obligingly stood. I was grumbling in my spirit to God. This is retreat! I’m supposed to be getting my spiritual tank filled. “God, I can’t focus on you when she’s here. My back is going to go out on that stinking rollaway too! I shouldn’t have come! She’s probably watching me right now, waiting for me to look like an idiot praising you! She’s probably watching to see when I cry and when I don’t. She wants to see me hurt. She’s evil! God why is she here! This is so unfair!” Then, the words I’d been mechanically singing broke through my tantrum.

“This is my prayer in the fire,

in weakness or trial or pain,

there is a faith proved of more worth than gold,

so refine me Lord through the flames.”

And the Chorus,

“I will bring praise,

I will bring praise,

no weapon formed against me shall remain…”

God spoke to my hurt. “Child, I know you are hurt. I am angry you are in pain. My pain is greater than yours because not only were you hurt, but, those who injured you did it out of their own pain.” And then, “You are here because I need to strip you of your scales. You have to heal if you are to complete the tasks I have for you. I can heal you, but you have to let me tear the scales from your wounds.” I was sobbing before our speaker even entered the stage. God impressed upon me the image of Eustace Scrubb in C.S. Lewis’ The Dawn Treader. Where he’d been turned into a dragon and Aslan had to tear the scales from his body in order for him to be restored. It was quite an image. I prayed, “Lord, if this is what I must do, I have faith that You will do what I need.”

Since the time that I decided to leave my last job, I felt like I had to prove that I was right. God has told me I was, but I felt that I needed the world to know it too. He taught me so much this weekend. It was a divine appointment. I’ve been frustrated because my husband, who has been amazingly supportive of me, hasn’t continued to let me vent to him about my hurt. He has asked me to forgive them…but whenever I tried, I started going down a laundry list of all the sins they’d committed against me and my anger and bitterness would come up and I would quit praying for them and start complaining about them. I have been trying to practice the principle of forgiving a sin 70 X 7 times, but I’m failing. God showed me that I didn’t have to win. I needed to be broken. I can’t change them. They have their own crosses, crosses of their own making to bear, and it’s not my job to fix them, or to make them pay. I prayed that He erase the laundry list of sins they’ve committed against me from my head. Little by little, God tore each scale away this weekend. He stripped me bare of my bitterness and anger.

So much more happened this weekend than I can fit into this blog. First of all, my back didn’t go out on the rollaway, and we even found a bed for my dearest friend. She also continued to not let me wallow in my frustrations and proved, yet again, why she is my confidant. Best of all, the messages the speaker, Lynda Randle, gave spoke right into my pain. She recently went through loss and pain, and she shared from that. Sunday’s final message was on healing broken relationships…talk about a God thing.

I didn’t go to Retreat planning to have my scales ripped from my spirit. I went planning to be renewed. But God knew best. He knew that while at Retreat He could stop my retreat from Him. As the last verse of that precious praise song went, “This is my prayer in the harvest, when favor and providence flow, I know I’m filled to be emptied again, The seed I’ve received I will sow.” Thank you Lord for giving me fresh seeds to sow this weekend. I’m now ready to accept the blessings you so graciously want to bestow upon me. I’m empty Lord, fill me up.

Staying Alert in Christ,

Megan

Here are some photos of our beautiful Retreat.

I’m trying to be a lighthouse…

Posted on October 2, 2013 by Megan

“We are told to let our light shine, and if it does, we won’t need to tell anybody it does. Lighthouses don’t fire cannons to call attention to their shining- they just shine.”

–DL Moody.

Something’s been bugging me. Ever since I wrote my last blog, I’ve felt like I didn’t go deep enough. Sometimes, when writing, we writers have to focus our work on a pretty narrow topic in order to really get the point across, and so sometimes the end result feels a little watered down. I mashed up what God is doing in my heart into bite-sized pieces. But, what He’s doing inside me is much deeper than what I get down on paper. I know that this is what “good” writers do—otherwise we’d be so boring no one would want to read what we have to say. So, I’m going to attempt to put into succinct words the depth that he’s been laying on my heart.

Jesus said His greatest two commandments were to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” And to “Love your neighbor as yourself.” All of the other commandments are built from these two simple statements. These may seem simple, but they are hard to live up to. I’d challenge you that when you really look at your heart, you’re failing in these two areas just like I am. It’s hard to keep your eyes on Christ and love Him first. It’s even harder to treat those around us—who may be secular and not living like they’re supposed to—with the love we give to ourselves. There are so many sins that get in a Christian’s way. Being Christ to the world gets lost in translation sometimes. We put people off because of pride: we know we’re right and they’re wrong. So, they need to just “get with the program.” I’ve heard good Christians talk about politics in a way that makes my heart break. Their argument was that they were fighting for the right things, so what if they stomp on a few toes in the process. What’s been bothering me so much is the way we go about making our point: whether we’re right or not, if we sin while delivering the message, then we’re getting in Christ’s way! I’ll give you a couple of clear examples.

The first example is from an article I read published by Kirk Cameron. The article was on non-negotiables for being a dad. (http://kirkcameron.com/2013/09/8-non-negotiables-dads-daughters/) It was a nice article and I enjoyed reading it. Then I got to the comments. A self-proclaimed atheist made a classic comment on the sins of Christianity. I read as a couple readers tried to minister to this man, but soon they were drowned out by the onslaught of attacks against him. Here’s one, “Ahh, [name omitted] … you spew garbage. But, when one lives in the dumps, that’s all they know. Ain’t that right, bubba.” Yikes…my heart sank. Christians were not behaving like Christ. And the man’s response was right on the money: “I’m starting to get enjoyment out of this. You proclaim yourself as a Christian but conduct yourself poorly, it just provides [proves] my point with every insult, but maybe I should just listen to some of the Good Christians on here and not judge them by your actions.”

I see it all the time. Christians are sinners, I grant that, but we let Satan drag our attention away from the issues—in this case a good article on fatherhood—and we drag Christ through the muck with us. We tarnish His name. I’m just as guilty of this as anyone. I used to be a debate coach. I love a good debate…but when I’m winning that battle by attacking the other person, I’m the one who’s wrong—even if my point isn’t.

The second example I found was in the article Why You’re Teaching Your Daughter to be a Mean Girl (http://m.ksl.com/index/story/sid/26861581?mobile_direct=y#.UjwuzhQsFjY.facebook ). Another awesome article, and the author hit the nail on the head when she wrote, “Social media has created an atmosphere where people feel entitled to peek in on every aspect of your life. People feel entitled to say whatever they want. I cannot tell you how many times I have observed mothers, via social media, being downright nasty to one another about anything and everything. It is shocking and sad. But if it starts with us, it has to end with us. It’s our responsibility, as mothers, to do everything in our power to make sure we aren’t (even unknowingly) raising mean girls.” I see this everyday on Facebook! It’s crazy. We don’t even know people and yet we’re attacking them. I fear social media has allowed us to devalue human life. We don’t see people as people because we can’t see them, touch them, or be a part of their lives. Don’t get me wrong. I’m a Facebook junkie. But I do fear what will become of us as we delve more and more into a world where humanity isn’t tangible.

So, we all know there’s a problem, but, what do we do. Martin Luther King said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” Profound words, and hard ones. Especially when we believe we are right and we’re being attacked. You say, “We can’t change this in a day.” You’re right. We can’t. It’s a day-by-day deal. My grandma always told me that I might be the only Bible some people ever read…I better get it right. That doesn’t mean proving others wrong with my words, but rather with my life. I have to live the life that glorifies Christ. I think of how He answered when He was attacked. He answered with kindness and love, usually with scripture, and He didn’t attack back. You don’t find many times where Jesus lost his temper. Every word He spoke had a purpose and He was never rash. My interactions must be a reflection of Christ or I’m failing Him. I have to remember His word and treat others like I want to be treated—not how they treat me. I have to remember to keep my eyes on Him and love Him first and then put everyone else on the same plane as myself. I have to remember to get the plank out of my eye so I can see clearly to help others with the speck in theirs. I have to remember that when I am talking to any other person on this earth, that they are His child whether they acknowledge Him or not. I have to remember that a gentle answer turns away wrath, and that sometimes I don’t need to answer at all because, as DL Moody said, “We are told to let our light shine, and if it does, we won’t need to tell anybody it does. Lighthouses don’t fire cannons to call attention to their shining- they just shine.” I pray that my light is clear and bright for Him.

Staying Alert in Christ,

Megan

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