Tag Archives: Christmas

Why don’t people get Your grace, Lord…

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Train up a child

Over our busy Christmas I had the opportunity to sit down with my mother, brother, and his beautiful wife and visit. This doesn’t happen often in our family–that we’re all in the same place, and we have time to just visit.  My brother lives three hours away from us to the east, and my mother and father live two and a half hours away to the south.  So we really only see each other on birthdays and holidays.  So, this time was precious; however, it became stressful to me very quickly.  My brother’s and my relationship has always been a bit strained.  We’re just different enough that getting along wasn’t always easy.  I’m betting I’m not alone in this, as it’s very common among siblings.

 Our discussion was unusual in that my brother and his wife were discussing their faith—something they don’t do often around me because I can be overbearing and opinionated, like my dad.  So the fact that they opened up was great, and my reaction to what they said will probably stop them from doing it again anytime soon, which makes me sad.  (I really need to learn to control my reactions, but I digress)  We were discussing grace—you would think a safe topic as everyone loves grace, and we are all three saved—and when it became “real” to them that they didn’t have to work their way into heaven.  I was shocked to find that they had only recently made this realization.  I immediately said to my brother, “How can you have sat through all of Pastor Bodenhammer’s sermons growing up and not have gotten grace!”  Not a good response.  My brother’s face immediately changed from enthusiasm over this new and wonderful revelation, to a shut-off, defensive wall.  I realized once again that I had blown a great opportunity to connect with him.   Why is it that we so often miss the opportunities to bless our own family?  I could get into analyzing sibling relationships, but I won’t, because that’s not the point of this blog.

 However, this whole discussion got me to thinking (more like ranting, and yes, I need to work on that too) about why people who have the same upbringing, sit in the same pew, go to the same youth groups, and gave their lives to the same God, don’t know Him the same way.  How did my brother, who was saved the Sunday before I was, hear doctrine when I heard grace!?  I also got to thinking…if my brother didn’t get it when he was raised just like I was, then there’s a chance my daughter might not get it either…and “what do I need to do to make sure she ‘gets’ grace?”  So, like I do when I’m not sure about something, I started doing some research.  I discovered this isn’t a new problem.  One of my favorite Baptist preachers, Charles Spurgeon, gave a sermon about this very thing on May 8th 1887:

 “The people to whom I am referring really listen to what the preacher has to say; they are attentive, and they seek to retain in their memories the truths he preaches. They even talk when they are at home of the striking passages, if such there be, in what they have heard. You would suppose that such persons would get a blessing from the gospel; yet they do not.” (http://www.newsforchristians.com/spurgeon/chs2411.html)

 Spurgeon goes on to discuss this phenomenon and then speaks directly to the hearer in hopes of breaking through the “thick scales” on their eyes.  However, I’m not going to reteach what has already been taught.  I do recommend you take a look at the sermon, like most of his writings, it’s insightful.  I do want to spend some time analyzing the issue.

 First, after I’d left the room, my brother confessed to my mother that he didn’t remember any sermon that was taught when he was a child. The only thing he really remembered was a visual using a glass of water and an egg about baptism.  What my brother heard was a message on why we believe in immersion (doctrine), and what I heard that day was a message on the internal transformation salvation brings us.  So that leads me to my first conclusion.

 Not everyone learns the same way.  This is a “well duh” statement, but it’s something I think the church is missing.  Educators have known for years that we need to meet the needs of every learner in the classroom—we need to teach them they way that they learn best.  However, many churches only teach from the perspective of one learning style.  I’m a VERY auditory learner.  I learn best by listening—which is why I remember so much from the sermons of my childhood.  My brother is much more visual—which is why he remembers the example of the egg and water, and not much else.  We don’t process information the same way.  I can walk into any church and be blessed by a biblically based sermon.  He may not get as much out of it, because he doesn’t function like that.  The church he attends now, has video, light shows, a darkened auditorium, and active powerpoints to follow during the sermon.  I find this distracting and, truthfully, annoying.  But, he’s learning and growing there!  When taking our children to church, we need to be aware of how they learn, and if the service doesn’t fit their learning style, we need to augment it!

 So many times, we parents quote Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it” and we see it that we have to teach the kids, but when going back to the original Hebrew, the word train actually is the same word that is used for the process of cleaning out a babies mouth after birth.  The word means “create an environment for life.”  To quote Mark Hamby, founder of Lamp Light ministries:

 “Training our children requires more than simply providing an education. We must create an environment of captivating learning, with experiences that motivate them to passionately pursue worthy goals. External rewards will not suffice; motivation must be intrinsic. We must help to ignite a fire from within so that the child’s passion becomes the driving force behind persevering practice that leads to the achievement of excellence. Turning passivity into passion by providing experiences that cultivate their taste for what is Godly, great, and glorious is the essence of true Biblical ‘training.’”

 So, who is responsible for this training?  If you’re the parent, the buck stops with you.  Our job is not to just take our child to church and hope that it sinks in, or to allow our child to hear our discussions of the sermons.  This only works for kids who have active listening skills.  Our job is to stand it the gap for our kids.  If we attend a church that doesn’t have visual or kinesthetic learning as part of the service, then we need to provide that.  Show your child how to take notes during a sermon, or draw a picture with them that teaches the lessons of that day.  Be present, and active.  Don’t just assume because they heard it they learned it.  My daughter is much like me in that she’s very auditory.  She loves church services, but doesn’t enjoy Sunday school as much.  The reason is her learning style.  She soaks up the message in the sermon, often interrupting by asking me questions about what our pastor is teaching (we’ve fixed this by giving her a notebook and when she has a question she has to write it down for discussion after the service).  But, Sunday school is trying.  It’s a lot of reading, and with her dyslexia it’s frustrating for her.  And, although she loves to draw, she doesn’t like structured drawing.  She would much rather be asked to create a picture about the sermon on a blank piece of paper than to have to draw what someone told her to.  So, what’s my job?  I ask her questions about her lesson.  We draw pictures—which I proudly place on our fridge.  I’m active in her learning.

 While sitting in a service, I think there’s something that’s even deeper that we sometimes miss.  We assume that our children “got” the message because we did.  We forget that they are not adults, and that they process things differently.  I’ve noticed this a lot with my daughter.  I’ll visit with her about the sermon and she pulled something completely different out of it than I did.  This is good, but it shows that we need to assume nothing, and actually converse with our children—every day—about the things God is doing in our lives.  If we don’t, we may find that they’re in their mid-thirties and just now “getting” grace—or worse, they may never get it at all.

 Lord, help me to see beyond the day-to-day and see the eternal.  Thank you for my brother’s growth.  I praise you that his walk has become one of joy and service to You.  Help me to show my daughter Your grace and love everyday.  I want her to know You Lord.  Amen

Playlist:

Chris Tomlin, Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone,) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jbe7OruLk8I

Mark Shultz, I Am, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hILaSh78yHQ

Casting Crowns, Stained Glass Masquerade, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzKOrlPuWzo

Staying Alert in Christ,

Megan

Lord, how do I keep Christmas in my heart…

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Christmas state of mind

“I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.”  –Charles Dickens

There are two seasons that I love.  Christmas and Easter.  I love the emotions both bring to the surface of my consciousness.  I love that both center around our church events and that both are centered in Christ.  However, lately I’ve felt burdened about the role I allow Christ to play in our Christmas traditions.

 When I was in college learning to be a teacher, we often discussed how to help our students to fully grasp deep concepts.  One such approach was the “Contributions Approach.”  In this approach we would talk about important issues and events around the holidays or birthdays that celebrated them.  For instance, teachers would teach a unit about the Reverend Martin Luther King Jr. and his important contribution to our society around his birthday each year.  This approach is an “easy” way to discuss important events and topics while keeping your students on schedule with their pre-planned curriculum.  Many teachers use this approach, and have for many generations.  The problem is, it doesn’t work very well.

 The “Contributions Approach” to teaching doesn’t offer depth.  It gives your student a glimpse into the window of a subject, but because the point is to be able to stay on track with other curriculum, it usually doesn’t last more than a couple days and then the teacher moves on to the “more important” curriculum to keep the class on track for the year.  Please don’t get me wrong.  I’m not condemning teachers who do this, have done this, or will do this in the future. The truth is, it’s easy, and it does garner results—but not the results it would have, had the teacher had–or taken–the time to do things a little differently.

 Isn’t this what we do at Christmas? We have so many wonderful traditions.  It’s a time for family, friends, and communion.  It’s a time when we cherish those around us.  And, during this precious time, we pause to remember “The reason for the season.”

Wait, did I say that right?

We pause.  We break from our normally scheduled programing to think of Christ.  Wow.  That doesn’t seem right.  We too just give our children a glimpse into the window of what Christ did when he visited our little world, but we don’t give Him anymore time than we have to, so we can keep on track with our other, more important, activities.

 When we celebrate our daughter’s birthday every year, we make it an event.  She usually has two to three get-togethers—a “friend” party, and a get-together for both sides of her family.  We spend time planning out her favorite foods, her favorite activities, and we take time to thank God for Mattie being brought into our lives.  What if we did this for Jesus?  After all, it’s His birthday.  What if we made everything we did about Him instead of about us?

 What would that look like you ask?   It might not look that different.  Maybe instead of meeting for Christmas Eve service and then leaving to meet with your family, you take time at your meal to Welcome Jesus at your table.  Maybe you share your favorite part of the Christmas story and why.  (I think our kids would definitely benefit from hearing the adults be humble and share how Christ has touched them).  Perhaps it’s making an extra spot at your Christmas dinner for a family in need who can’t afford a dinner at all.  However, it definitely is taking personal time to connect with that baby in the manger.

 At a youth event this last year, I heard a speaker talking about Jesus coming to live with us.  I thought he was going to say something generic like, “How would you live if Jesus came to stay at your house?”  But this speaker took a different approach.  He asked why we haven’t signed the mortgage of our house over to God.  That we aren’t to just give him a room and a place at the table—our job is to surrender everything to Him, who was willing to surrender everything for us.  That’s a radical mindset and it will change the world.  Imagine if this Christmas we did that.  Imagine if we didn’t just read the Christmas story to our kids, but we connected with them about the depth that was in it…then imagine if we didn’t just do this at Christmas or at Easter.  Imagine if we did it all year round.  How would that change us?  How would it change our kids?  How would that change the world?

Lord, this Christmas, I want to be sold out to you.  I want to make You the priority and not just fit You in where I can.  This Christmas let my daughter see how much I love you.  Let my radical faith be a witness so You can transform her life and the world—just like you did with that sweet baby so many years ago.  Help me to honor Christmas in my heart and keep it all year.  Amen

I think I need a helmet Lord…

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Dickens

I know I’m not alone when I sometimes get stressed during the holidays.  There’s so much pressure to get the right gifts, in addition to regular work schedules and family time.  Then there are all the “Christmas traditions” that I feel we need to do.  I feel very overwhelmed and under-appreciated at times.  One of those “under-appreciated times” happened just a couple days ago after picking Mattie up from school.  We were listening to the radio and a spot came on from Focus on the Family.  The spot talked about the importance of making and preserving Christmas traditions.  Immediately I thought of making homemade bread, ornaments, and candies with Mattie each year.  I thought of the special times spent with family and how we take treats to our neighbors.  I thought, “Wow, I’ve got this down!”  Then my balloon was popped—well maybe popped isn’t strong enough of a word.  My balloon was dive-bombed.

“Mom, why don’t we have any special traditions?” was the innocent question from the backseat.  And I felt the impact, Pow!  Right on the noggin!  “WHAT!?!?”  I thought.  How could she not know the amount of work I put into Christmas each year?  How could she not realize how much I focus on making memories with her?  How could she ask that question?   I immediately got defensive.  “We have tons of traditions.  What are you talking about?” Came my snippy reply.  “No we don’t,” came her argumentative complaint. “We do the same things everyone else does.  We don’t do anything special!”

Wow, that really rang my bell.  The strong-willed side of me wanted to say, “Well if you think that, we won’t do any of our traditions this year and see how you like it!”  But, I held my tongue.  I started listing all of the things we do together as a family.  One by one, Mattie started to see the work I put into Christmas for her and our family each year.  Here are a couple lessons I’ve learned from this heart-wrenching conversation.

1.  Don’t assume.  Don’t assume your child knows or sees everything.   They are still young and sometimes they add two and two and get zero. Don’t assume they see and appreciate the family time…..which leads me to my next point.

 2.  Be intentional.  Ask your child, “Why do you think we bake bread every year at Christmas?”  Tell them that you’re trying to make good memories and teach them important lessons during this special season. This is something I’m trying to do in other areas of my daughter’s life as well.  I’m realizing how much she misses—just because I don’t tell her.  I assume she knows.  The other day, I spent 20 minutes telling her how smart she is.  She honestly didn’t know that I thought she was smart.  But, how could she?  I don’t tell her.  We all go about our business expecting that our children understand why we do what we do.  But, sometimes they don’t.  We have to be intentional with telling them they are loved, they are treasured, they are smart, they are talented.  This applies to their relationship with Christ as well.  We have to tell them how much God loves them EVERY day.  If we don’t, the world will tell them the opposite.

3.  Don’t stop.  As our children grow older, we tend to stop teaching them.  I know I have.  Mattie understands so much more now.  She’s intuitive and brave, but she’s not an adult.  She misses things (truth be told, so do most adults)—things that are important, like traditions.   Now that she sees all the traditions we do, she knows that she’s special and that her family loves her.  She sees how her father and I treasure her because we desire to spend time with her.  But, she didn’t see it before.  She saw a stressed out mom who put way too much pressure on herself.  And that leads to the next big lesson—

4.  Don’t over do it.  There’s so much pressure right now with moms trying to be perfect.  You can’t be perfect.  God didn’t make you perfect.  Let go of that aspiration.  Instead, focus on the things your child likes to do with you.  Mattie loves art and crafts.  We make new ornaments for our tree each year.  We also purchase special ones from Hobby Lobby as a family.  It’s fun and it’s special.  We bake bread and make candy (this doesn’t happen every year because it depends on when Christmas break falls), but I don’t go overboard teaching her how to make the fanciest fudge.  We take a simple recipe and we make that.  The point is not perfection but  to make the time precious.

5.  Don’t save all your traditions for Christmas.  Take time each and every day to be intentional to spend time with your child.  We pray together as a family each and every day; we also cook supper together, and do chores together.  My resolution this year is to eat more meals at the table together and to read the Word together daily.  I read mine, but I don’t share it with my daughter everyday.

Proverbs 22:6  “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”  Read to your child, talk about what’s going on in your life, share how God’s changing you every day, and play with your child.   Show your child that they are special and treasured all year long.  That way they will know that you love them, and that God loves them.  In the end, I’m thankful for Mattie’s dive bomb.  It woke me up.  It reminded me of some important truths that apply to all of us even if it rang my bell a bit.

Thanks, Lord, for Mattie, and how she challenges me.  Thank you for making me sensitive to Your voice coming through a child.  I guess maybe I don’t need that helmet after all.

How do I raise a Mary, Lord…

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Mary

The other day, while driving, my daughter and I were discussing what song we might like to sing together for the annual Julatta service at our church.  For those of you who don’t live in a area predominantly filled with Swedish descendents, Julatta is a candlelight service that is held before sunrise on Christmas morning.  It’s a time that we gather as a church and focus on Christ and the miracle of His birth.  It’s beautiful, and the best way to start Christmas.  I’m not Swedish, but I love our little community and its wonderful traditions.  While Mattie and I were driving, we discussed one of my favorite Christmas songs, “Mary Did You Know?”  It’s a classic and we talked about turning it into a duet.  But as we drove, a realization hit me.  Mary couldn’t have known.  She couldn’t have begun to guess what would have happened. She was too young.

Mary was 12 when she was betrothed to Joseph—as was Jewish custom— and would have delivered Jesus at 13.  My daughter is 11—just one year younger than Mary when the Angel visited her.  I always think of Mary as an adult—wise, and pure.  But, she was so young!  She may have been like my daughter.  Mattie talks to me about what kind of man she wants to marry (he should look like Thor, have Captain America’s morals and courage, be a Christian, and a cowboy—high standards!), how she’s frightened to get her period, and how she’s not sure she wants to have kids because she knows it will hurt.  She’s a normal, sweet girl, who has normal and sweet fears.  She worries about things that I know will turn out okay in the end, but it’s good for her to explore these fears.  I remember having them.  I remember not wanting to get married because I didn’t want to have sex and have a baby–both I thought were gross!  It scared me.  I remembered being afraid the first time a boy held my hand.  I remember the nerves, the pimples, and the anxiety.   Mary was right in the middle of this stage—just as Mattie is beginning it now.  She must have been scared because the Angel had to say, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God,”  (Luke 1:30) to calm her.  And what he said next, would have been terrifying.  “You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.” (Luke 1: 31-33)

As I look back on this time in my life, I wonder what I would have said had the Angel appeared to me.  Was I strong enough to conquer my fears?  Is Mattie that strong?  Mary’s answer speaks through the ages.  “I am the Lord’s servant…May your word to me be fulfilled.”  She took her fear, swallowed it, and took the cross that was assigned to her by God.

As adults, we know how hard life can be.  Not everything God places in our paths is easy—there’s a reason why life is often called a trial.  I wonder what Mary’s mom did that made her so strong—so willing to obey.  I’ve heard some mothers say that obedience is what they expect most out of their children.  I think that’s fair when a child is young.   However, at some point, we need to help bridge the gap between making our children do what’s right because we said it was right, and guiding them into the right decision because it’s their decision to make.

Working in education for the last 10 years, I’ve seen many Christian teens at this crossroad.  They are ready to break out on their own.   Some parents just let them go—they want them to learn from their actions.  They offer too much freedom and the world rejoices.  Others close ranks and try to keep the world at bay.  Rebellion undeniably is the response to both of these parenting choices.  I’ve seen Christian kids go wild because when they became teenagers they stopped getting parented. And, I’ve also seen Christian teens rebel and become sullen and angry because they aren’t allowed to make any decision on their own.

So, how do we help these tweens and teens to not just obey, but believe?  They have to know that they know that God is mighty and can do all things.  First, we can’t be overprotective.  The world is full of examples, both good and bad, that we can use to teach our children about God.  Shutting the world out and expecting them to survive in it after they’re grown is foolish.  Second, we have to let them take the walk with us.  They have to hear our fears, see our failures, and watch God take control and lead us out of it.  In order for God to be real to them, He has to be real to us!  If we want them to have a life altering faith, they have to learn it from us!  I’ve seen many Christian parents who try to have everything put together, but their kids don’t really know them.  They want to be a “good” example, so they don’t show their kids what it’s really like to have a real faith in God.  So, these kids don’t know how to grow because they’ve never seen growth.  It’s amazing what a real example can do.

I’m not saying confess all your deepest fears and frustrations to your children. That’s not healthy for either of you.  You are their parent.   But let them get to know you.  Let them see who you really are.  Share appropriate frustrations.  Let them see you cry.  Let them see you pray!  Let them see that miracles happen everyday if you let God lead you.  Don’t be their warden or their friend.  Be their guide.  Help lead them into the Light of Christ by following you as you follow Him.

I wish I could say I’ve mastered this.  I haven’t.  I have a tendency to be pretty authoritative.  But, if I want Mattie to have the kind of faith that Mary had, I’ve got to see beyond obedience, and start to see what’s at stake.  I’ve got to be her guide.

Lord, I want Mattie to be like Mary.  I want her to be strong and overcome her fears.  Help me to be the kind of mom that leads by example—for the good and the bad–so that when her cross stands before her, she’ll choose of her own will, to take it up and follow You.