Photo taken by my daughter, and I added the quote. “In the beginning was the Word, and the word was with God and the Word was God…” John 1:1 This past week, I’ve been in a real spiritual battle. I’ve … Continue reading
The Word is Alive…
Tag Archives: God
Lord, It’s Time to Clean House…
I hate cleaning. I admit it. I loathe it. There is true enmity between dishes and me. It is the thing I put off the most, and the thing I most need to do. I have to be very intentional about making myself keep up on my cleaning duties. Most of the time I fail, but I give it a valiant effort.
This last weekend I set about the task of getting two things done. I wanted to get my house, “back in order,” as I like to say. In other words, I had a week’s worth of dishes and laundry and clutter to deal with. And, I wanted to start to clean out our basement. Ugh. The basement. Two years ago it flooded. We stacked up furniture in a dry corner and pulled up carpet in an effort to save as much as we could. That time we did, but since then it’s flooded every third time it’s rained. It’s awful. So, I knew I need to just pitch most of what’s down there, and like all housework, I’ve been putting it off.
When my husband and I went down to start organizing things, we knew we had a big chore ahead of us. What we found was not as bad as I’d imagined, but a whole lot of work. The biggest issue is the mildew. It’s growing in a lot of places and it’s going to be a battle getting rid of it. It’s attached itself to things we treasure and we’ll have to clean. We’ve lost a lot of things—nothing that can’t be replaced but still it was hard sorting through some of it. It also hit me, “why have I been holding onto this stuff?” Much of it I haven’t used in years, and it really didn’t need to be kept to begin with. I just didn’t want to see it go.
The song “Whatever You’re Doing” by Sanctus Real kept running through my head as we took on this monstrous task. The specific lyrics that resonated were:
“Time to face up,
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I’ve wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears”
As I worked on the two cleaning tasks I undertook this weekend, I got to thinking, “What sins and issues have I been putting off dealing with?” I began to ask God to show me things that I had been avoiding cleaning out in my heart. And, just like I asked Him to, He delivered.
The biggest sin He showed me just reared its ugly head a few days ago, but it was characteristic of something I don’t like admitting I struggle with—my temper. This last flare-up was about something very dear to me—my Bible. You see, since I’ve been working four jobs, I’ve had to grab my quiet time on the go. So I’ve kept my Bible in my car’s passenger seat so it’s easy to grab. The other night my daughter left something in the backseat, and for reasons that make no sense to me, she opened the front passenger door and climbed across the backseat to get it. Her hands full, she carelessly didn’t close the passenger door behind her. The result was about 6 barn cats climbing all over the seats. And to top that off a thunderstorm came through. The seat was drenched…and so was my Bible. I have years of notes in the margins, and memories that go with them stored up in that volume. And it was drenched. I suppose I should thank the barn cats for setting off the warning lights or I’d have never gone out to check it until morning—by that time my Bible would have been ruined. When I came back in, I was heartbroken. I sat down and cried that something that was so precious was damaged—at the time I believed beyond repair. (After a lot of work, I was able to salvage it.) What made me mad though wasn’t that my daughter had carelessly caused this catastrophe, but rather her response to it. She said it, “wasn’t her fault.” I blew up. I chewed her up one side and down the other. I hurt her feelings the way mine were hurt. I was so wrong. I damaged her because something I loved was damaged. How wrong of me.
God began to show me that, even though she was wrong in what she did and said, so was I. My overreaction did not give her a good role model for dealing with adversity. Instead, I was showing her that throwing a fit when something upsets me is acceptable. It’s not.
“It’s time for healing time to move on
It’s time to fix what’s been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It’s time to find my way to where I belong”
When we avoid sin it begins to turn into a similar scene as my basement. We hold on to things we don’t really need—things that can cause damage if they’re left for too long. They begin to mildew and break down. They aren’t any good to us, so why do we keep avoiding dealing with them? The worst part is that the sin we’re holding onto and not confronting can cause damage to other things that are of worth. The mildew of it grows on the things we treasure—like relationships with our family, and with the Lord.
Avoiding sin is easy. We just keep living upstairs and keep it up and running, but underneath, in the basement of our hearts, it’s still there, it’s not going away, and it’s destroying us little by little.
“Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow your will
or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is you want from me
I give everything I surrender…”
Lord, show me what I can do to fight off this sin nature that I detest so much and avoid. I surrender…”whatever You’re doing inside of me…You’re up to something bigger than me. Larger than life, something heavenly” Let me be brave enough to say, “It’s time to face up. Clean this old house. Time breathe in and let everything out”
Staying Alert in Christ,
Megan
Battling Bitterness
“Break my heart for what breaks Yours. Everything I am for Your kingdom’s cause…”
These are words to one of my favorite praise songs called “Hosanna.” They have been a prayer of mine for a long time. I want to be Christ’s servant in everything I do…it’s a tall order and some days a battle. I’ve shared with you that I’ve been battling bitterness toward a group of people for a while now. Two weekends ago God stripped that bitterness from me, and although Satan has tried to drag me back into the muck a couple of times, I’ve managed, with God’s help, to “not go there.” It’s been a good week. I’ve felt freer than I have been in a long time. I can’t say that I’m ready to see these people and share a meal with them, but I’m getting there. He’s answering my prayers to show me these women through His eyes. He’s giving me empathy for them, and I’m actually forgiving them. It’s something I wasn’t able to do in my own strength. And, because it’s Him that’s refining me, I’m now able to help others in a way that I couldn’t help them before. Amazingly He’s opened several doors to minister to those going through similar pain. If these people had asked for my help just two weeks ago, I wouldn’t have answered in the way that He needed me to.
So, I thought I’d share some of the lessons God’s laid on my heart from my time battling bitterness.
1. Don’t be afraid to tell God how hurt you are. Many times we as Christians think we shouldn’t be weak. This allows bitterness to get a foothold in our heart. It’s a natural progression—in our sin nature—to want to lash out at those who have hurt us. It’s not in our nature to “turn the other cheek,” and to forgive them. But, in Ephesians 4:31-32 we’re commanded to, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” I’ve found that acknowledging my pain, and giving it to God daily, helps when I am hurting. It also gives me permission to be okay where I am. Telling God that I’m hurting opens me up to His will and perfect love. Locking it all up means that I’m not okay with where I am…and this gives Satan a chance confuse and manipulate me.
2. Have a plan. So many times I catch myself running down a list of all the horrible things these women did. I have found that if I have a plan to stop my thoughts from going down a path that leads to bitterness, then I can battle the war going on inside me much better. I have two verses that I claim regularly to keep my mind on the right track. The first is Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Whenever I caught myself sinking into anger and bitterness, I would repeat this verse to myself. Then, I would practice it by listing all the things that are good, and noble, and true about my life right now.
The second verse that helped was Hebrews 12:1, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us…” This verse helped me to remember that when these women were lying about me, and plotting to cause me harm, that God knew the truth. He had placed witnesses in the heavenly realms that would intercede on my behalf. My job was not to worry about what was being said about me, but to focus on the sins that were entangling me and to walk through this trial with God as my companion.
3. Happiness is a choice. When life is hard, it’s easy to get depressed and angry, but when we remember that we can choose to be happy, then we have control over the outcome of our situation. So many times I’d run into people who had heard about what I’d been going through. I would choose to stay positive in my conversations with them. It wasn’t easy. I wanted to bad-mouth the women who were hurting me. I wanted the world to know who they really were…but by choosing to remain calm and trying to stay positive, I left a lot of doors open. I’ve been able to help others through similar situations because they trusted me and saw that I was trying to follow God through this valley.
4. Let the God be your Lord. This is the biggest one. It’s more important than any other idea I’ve presented. Lynda Randle, the speaker at the Women’s Retreat a couple of weeks back, said, “Jesus was my savior, but He wasn’t my Lord” while she was sharing her testimony on the first night. This phrase stuck with me. There’s a big difference between Jesus providing a way for us to get to Heaven, and us letting Him be the Lord of our lives daily. He tells us we must forgive. So we must. He tells us that we must pray for our enemies. So we must. He tells us to cast our cares upon Him. So we must. He must be our Lord.
Bitterness is a stronghold of the enemy. It is a dark place within our hearts, and if we let it fester it will become a barrier between us and our Lord. God wants to use us, but He can’t if we’re filled with malice and hatred. We can’t really see people through God’s eyes when ours are blinded by sin. If we really mean it that we want to be broken for what breaks God’s heart, we must empty ourselves of self and allow Him to fill us. So we can say, “Everything I am for Your kingdom’s cause…” Oh Lord grant me that privilege. Amen.
Staying Alert in Christ,
Megan
Retreating from God
I made a harsh realization this weekend. Even though I’ve been closer to God in the last few months than I have been in years, even though this season in my life has me leaning on Him more than ever– I’ve been retreating from Him. I’ve been shying away when He convicts me in one certain area. This area is tender…any mention of it makes my heart quiver. I’m still very broken. So, I’ve built up a shell around my hurt, kind of like a scab, or scales. The problem is that the scales have gotten in the way of the wound really healing. What I’ve done to protect myself has only made my pain deeper and last longer than it really needed to…and that all changed this past weekend.
Every year, since my first year of marriage, I have attended a ladies retreat with my church friends. I’ll never forget the first year: strapped for cash, ladies whom I hardly knew offered to pay my way, offered to bless me. I was too proud to accept their kindness though, and I ended up scrounging up the money to go. I was so blessed by the experience. I don’t even remember who the speaker was or what she spoke about, but I do remember going back to my cabin in tears and those same sweet ladies ministering to a very scared newlywed. I just love these ladies. I can’t speak enough about how having them in my life has changed me, blessed me…they’ve discipled me.
This year is my thirteenth year going to Retreat. Every year I come planning to be renewed and loved on by my Heavenly Father, and every year He shows up. I prayed as I entered beautiful Rock Springs that He would show up again this year. I prayed that I would be His vessel if others needed help. I prayed that I would be renewed. It’s been such a hard year, and I needed to retreat. I immediately felt the presence of the Holy Spirit speaking to my soul…I felt Him whispering a love song to me. I settled into my rest and was full of Joy to be at a place that has been a spiritual renewal for me for so long…and then, my sin nature reared its ugly head.
When I arrived at our cabin, I discovered all of the beds were already taken. Frustrated, I went from room to room trying to find a spot for me and my best friend, who wasn’t able to arrive until later in the evening. My frustration must have been pretty evident because one of the ladies from our group came to my rescue and helped me make up a rollaway bed in the living room next to a pull-out couch. The thoughts rolling through my brain weren’t nice and are not worth repeating. I’m working four jobs to make ends meet right now, and I was so aggravated that the fee I’d had to save, scrimp, and go without meals for didn’t even get me a bed. I’m just glad I kept my cool. I texted my friend, “I’m grumpy about [not having a bed], so it’s your job to make me thankful I’m here…K!” I was trying to make light of the situation. Her response, “We can deal! Guess that means you will have to stay up with me in the main room till everyone goes to sleep. LOL!” I’m so glad I have a friend who understands me. She knew I needed her to not empathize but to tell me to grow up. It’s a real blessing to have a friend like that.
I wish this was the end of my grumpiness, but it wasn’t. When I arrived at the dining hall, I discovered that one of the women who had treated me so terribly at my last job was at Retreat as well. There are four ladies that I worked with who sinned terribly against me, and one of them was here! At my retreat! At the retreat I’d faithfully attended every year of my marriage. She was like the evil sidekick to my arch nemesis, and she was here! I felt my back tighten, my shoulders hunch, and the scales around my pain shift into protective layers.
I left the dining hall hardly speaking. I probably would have been muttering had I spoken at all. But no one asked me to, thankfully, and I quietly found my seat. The praise team entered and I obligingly stood. I was grumbling in my spirit to God. This is retreat! I’m supposed to be getting my spiritual tank filled. “God, I can’t focus on you when she’s here. My back is going to go out on that stinking rollaway too! I shouldn’t have come! She’s probably watching me right now, waiting for me to look like an idiot praising you! She’s probably watching to see when I cry and when I don’t. She wants to see me hurt. She’s evil! God why is she here! This is so unfair!” Then, the words I’d been mechanically singing broke through my tantrum.
“This is my prayer in the fire,
in weakness or trial or pain,
there is a faith proved of more worth than gold,
so refine me Lord through the flames.”
And the Chorus,
“I will bring praise,
I will bring praise,
no weapon formed against me shall remain…”
God spoke to my hurt. “Child, I know you are hurt. I am angry you are in pain. My pain is greater than yours because not only were you hurt, but, those who injured you did it out of their own pain.” And then, “You are here because I need to strip you of your scales. You have to heal if you are to complete the tasks I have for you. I can heal you, but you have to let me tear the scales from your wounds.” I was sobbing before our speaker even entered the stage. God impressed upon me the image of Eustace Scrubb in C.S. Lewis’ The Dawn Treader. Where he’d been turned into a dragon and Aslan had to tear the scales from his body in order for him to be restored. It was quite an image. I prayed, “Lord, if this is what I must do, I have faith that You will do what I need.”
Since the time that I decided to leave my last job, I felt like I had to prove that I was right. God has told me I was, but I felt that I needed the world to know it too. He taught me so much this weekend. It was a divine appointment. I’ve been frustrated because my husband, who has been amazingly supportive of me, hasn’t continued to let me vent to him about my hurt. He has asked me to forgive them…but whenever I tried, I started going down a laundry list of all the sins they’d committed against me and my anger and bitterness would come up and I would quit praying for them and start complaining about them. I have been trying to practice the principle of forgiving a sin 70 X 7 times, but I’m failing. God showed me that I didn’t have to win. I needed to be broken. I can’t change them. They have their own crosses, crosses of their own making to bear, and it’s not my job to fix them, or to make them pay. I prayed that He erase the laundry list of sins they’ve committed against me from my head. Little by little, God tore each scale away this weekend. He stripped me bare of my bitterness and anger.
So much more happened this weekend than I can fit into this blog. First of all, my back didn’t go out on the rollaway, and we even found a bed for my dearest friend. She also continued to not let me wallow in my frustrations and proved, yet again, why she is my confidant. Best of all, the messages the speaker, Lynda Randle, gave spoke right into my pain. She recently went through loss and pain, and she shared from that. Sunday’s final message was on healing broken relationships…talk about a God thing.
I didn’t go to Retreat planning to have my scales ripped from my spirit. I went planning to be renewed. But God knew best. He knew that while at Retreat He could stop my retreat from Him. As the last verse of that precious praise song went, “This is my prayer in the harvest, when favor and providence flow, I know I’m filled to be emptied again, The seed I’ve received I will sow.” Thank you Lord for giving me fresh seeds to sow this weekend. I’m now ready to accept the blessings you so graciously want to bestow upon me. I’m empty Lord, fill me up.
Staying Alert in Christ,
Megan
Here are some photos of our beautiful Retreat.
I’m trying to be a lighthouse…
“We are told to let our light shine, and if it does, we won’t need to tell anybody it does. Lighthouses don’t fire cannons to call attention to their shining- they just shine.”
–DL Moody.
Something’s been bugging me. Ever since I wrote my last blog, I’ve felt like I didn’t go deep enough. Sometimes, when writing, we writers have to focus our work on a pretty narrow topic in order to really get the point across, and so sometimes the end result feels a little watered down. I mashed up what God is doing in my heart into bite-sized pieces. But, what He’s doing inside me is much deeper than what I get down on paper. I know that this is what “good” writers do—otherwise we’d be so boring no one would want to read what we have to say. So, I’m going to attempt to put into succinct words the depth that he’s been laying on my heart.
Jesus said His greatest two commandments were to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” And to “Love your neighbor as yourself.” All of the other commandments are built from these two simple statements. These may seem simple, but they are hard to live up to. I’d challenge you that when you really look at your heart, you’re failing in these two areas just like I am. It’s hard to keep your eyes on Christ and love Him first. It’s even harder to treat those around us—who may be secular and not living like they’re supposed to—with the love we give to ourselves. There are so many sins that get in a Christian’s way. Being Christ to the world gets lost in translation sometimes. We put people off because of pride: we know we’re right and they’re wrong. So, they need to just “get with the program.” I’ve heard good Christians talk about politics in a way that makes my heart break. Their argument was that they were fighting for the right things, so what if they stomp on a few toes in the process. What’s been bothering me so much is the way we go about making our point: whether we’re right or not, if we sin while delivering the message, then we’re getting in Christ’s way! I’ll give you a couple of clear examples.
The first example is from an article I read published by Kirk Cameron. The article was on non-negotiables for being a dad. (http://kirkcameron.com/2013/09/8-non-negotiables-dads-daughters/) It was a nice article and I enjoyed reading it. Then I got to the comments. A self-proclaimed atheist made a classic comment on the sins of Christianity. I read as a couple readers tried to minister to this man, but soon they were drowned out by the onslaught of attacks against him. Here’s one, “Ahh, [name omitted] … you spew garbage. But, when one lives in the dumps, that’s all they know. Ain’t that right, bubba.” Yikes…my heart sank. Christians were not behaving like Christ. And the man’s response was right on the money: “I’m starting to get enjoyment out of this. You proclaim yourself as a Christian but conduct yourself poorly, it just provides [proves] my point with every insult, but maybe I should just listen to some of the Good Christians on here and not judge them by your actions.”
I see it all the time. Christians are sinners, I grant that, but we let Satan drag our attention away from the issues—in this case a good article on fatherhood—and we drag Christ through the muck with us. We tarnish His name. I’m just as guilty of this as anyone. I used to be a debate coach. I love a good debate…but when I’m winning that battle by attacking the other person, I’m the one who’s wrong—even if my point isn’t.
The second example I found was in the article Why You’re Teaching Your Daughter to be a Mean Girl (http://m.ksl.com/index/story/sid/26861581?mobile_direct=y#.UjwuzhQsFjY.facebook ). Another awesome article, and the author hit the nail on the head when she wrote, “Social media has created an atmosphere where people feel entitled to peek in on every aspect of your life. People feel entitled to say whatever they want. I cannot tell you how many times I have observed mothers, via social media, being downright nasty to one another about anything and everything. It is shocking and sad. But if it starts with us, it has to end with us. It’s our responsibility, as mothers, to do everything in our power to make sure we aren’t (even unknowingly) raising mean girls.” I see this everyday on Facebook! It’s crazy. We don’t even know people and yet we’re attacking them. I fear social media has allowed us to devalue human life. We don’t see people as people because we can’t see them, touch them, or be a part of their lives. Don’t get me wrong. I’m a Facebook junkie. But I do fear what will become of us as we delve more and more into a world where humanity isn’t tangible.
So, we all know there’s a problem, but, what do we do. Martin Luther King said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” Profound words, and hard ones. Especially when we believe we are right and we’re being attacked. You say, “We can’t change this in a day.” You’re right. We can’t. It’s a day-by-day deal. My grandma always told me that I might be the only Bible some people ever read…I better get it right. That doesn’t mean proving others wrong with my words, but rather with my life. I have to live the life that glorifies Christ. I think of how He answered when He was attacked. He answered with kindness and love, usually with scripture, and He didn’t attack back. You don’t find many times where Jesus lost his temper. Every word He spoke had a purpose and He was never rash. My interactions must be a reflection of Christ or I’m failing Him. I have to remember His word and treat others like I want to be treated—not how they treat me. I have to remember to keep my eyes on Him and love Him first and then put everyone else on the same plane as myself. I have to remember to get the plank out of my eye so I can see clearly to help others with the speck in theirs. I have to remember that when I am talking to any other person on this earth, that they are His child whether they acknowledge Him or not. I have to remember that a gentle answer turns away wrath, and that sometimes I don’t need to answer at all because, as DL Moody said, “We are told to let our light shine, and if it does, we won’t need to tell anybody it does. Lighthouses don’t fire cannons to call attention to their shining- they just shine.” I pray that my light is clear and bright for Him.
Staying Alert in Christ,
Megan
Do I have good manners, Lord?
My Parents and Grandparents this last Christmas
Ever had one of those weeks that appears to have a “theme?” I believe God speaks to us all the time. Sometimes He does it by bopping us on the head, or whispering quietly in our ear, or sometimes He brings things into our lives again and again until (if we’re paying attention), we see a pattern. I’ve had a week that seems to have me feeling like a broken record…then it hit me…there’s a theme here. God is speaking. How cool…
We’ve been discussing manners at our house. It seems to me that many times, as parents, we keep manners in a box. We limit them to saying “please,” or “thank you,” or not blowing our nose at the dinner table. But having “good manners” should go deeper than that. I find myself saying things that my parents and grandparents used to say to me. The other day, as Mattie and I were leaving my work, I said to her, “Did you pick up the kid’s area?” She answered that she had, and then I said, “Be sure to leave it better than you found it.” I didn’t even think before saying it. It was a concept that was drilled into me by my parents, but I learned it most from my grandparents. When I was a kid my grandpa was a rural letter carrier. Every year my grandpa and grandma took us to the state rural letter carriers convention with them. I remember getting up in the morning and making my bed at the hotel (something I didn’t always do at home) because Grandpa would say, “We always leave a place better than we found it.” When he taught me this, he was telling me that the housekeeper had worth and we needed to treat her with love and respect—even if we never met her, even if she never knew why we were doing it. Powerful message, and even though I don’t make my bed at home every day, I always think of that when I stay at someone’s house or at a hotel.
But, there’s more to this theme than one comment. Our daughter Mattie and I have been having deeper conversations than that. We had the State Fair last week. It’s a busy week for us because Mattie has many projects there—her biggest being her rabbits. So, this year, we invited her cousin to spend the weekend with us. Mattie and Emma are great friends and they had a good time—although they did get on each other’s nerves at points. Mattie was challenging me on one of those points while we were riding in the car this last week. She didn’t understand why I seemed to favor Emma’s ideas over hers. It was an honest emotion, and I understood why she was frustrated. I tried to explain to her that it wasn’t that I thought Emma had better ideas, it was because Emma was our guest, and that I was being hospitable. That concept was difficult for a ten year old–who desires her mother’s approval and felt that my choosing her cousin’s ideas over hers was a sign that I didn’t approve of her– to grasp. So I turned the tables on her. It gave me a base to deepen the discussion to one of how she acts when she’s a guest. Does she behave well knowing that people are trying to be hospitable to her? Is she putting others before herself? (She’s always been naturally gracious, so this isn’t a problem, but it was a great conversation.)
God, then deepened the theme that was becoming very transparent, when I read this article that was posted on facebook. (http://www.prodigalmagazine.com/she-yelled-and-called-me-names/) It tells the story of a lady who is getting a coffee at Starbucks and is treated very poorly by someone else while in the drive-thru. But, instead of returning evil for evil, she chooses to try to buy the other lady’s coffee. One quote that blew me away was this, “Instead of getting mad or yelling back at her, a sense of empathy invaded me. I looked at her again, and this time I saw someone different, someone who wrenched my heart. Her eyes were red and puffy. Her hair was pulled back in a natty ponytail. She held her phone in her palm, glancing down at it every few seconds. And she was driving that big ole’ gas hog of a Suburban, my own car of choice when I had three kids at home and a carpool.” I don’t know that empathy would have been my first reaction to the lady in question. If you have a chance to read the article, you’ll see that this woman didn’t deserve empathy at all. But then I thought of how many times I’ve asked God to “open my eyes and help me to see people as You see them.” I was convicted.
How many times do I not treat people with empathy? Whether it be the Fed-Ex guy who is driving me crazy, the woman who pulled out in front of me in the grocery store parking lot, or the person who has sinned against me, how does God want me to react?
Matthew 7:12
“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you…”
Proverbs 15:1
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Matthew 5:39
“But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.”
I Peter 3:9
“Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”
I’ve shared with you that I’ve been battling bitterness with a group of people who have sinned against me. I also shared that I didn’t handle it well and that I began to return evil for evil. God’s still refining me…thank goodness! But, He’s used the lessons I’ve been trying to teach my daughter about having “good manners” to open my heart up to something bigger.
God doesn’t want us to be wimps. He doesn’t want us get walked on, but He wants us to love others—even when they don’t deserve it, especially when they don’t deserve it. I think about our political climate right now. I’m very conservative, and I think about all the things I post that support my views. But, how many of those things attack instead of inform. How many of those things aim to do evil to people who don’t agree with me. Ugh. I’ve not been being very Christ-like.
People are hurting. “Holier than thou” attitudes will not heal them. If I really want to be like Christ, then I need to change my perspective. I need to start to allow Him to open my eyes to what has been going on under the surface. I need to start to have empathy for those who may choose to hurt me. I need to choose to carry the cross of the pain they cause me and turn the other cheek—like Christ did when He died for me. I’m not saying that I’m not going to try to change the world. However, God called me to be a light in the world for Him, not a shotgun. I must not return evil for evil anymore. After all, I’ve been raised to leave a place better than I found it. 🙂
Staying Alert in Christ,
Megan
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Daddy Daughter Time
God’s been whispering truths to me this week. No hitting me on the head this time; this time His quiet voice whispered. You see, my husband and I have hit what feels like a brick wall. We have hit the tween years. Our daughter is almost 11 years old, and she’s very mature in some ways, and immature in others. I think most kids are like this. We’re in a rough patch right now because she’s trying to become more independent…and her parents aren’t ready for that. So, we’re dealing with some attitude, drama, crying, slamming doors—those of you who have raised girls know exactly what I’m talking about. My husband is particularly vexed by this change in events. He’s always been Mattie’s buddy. He’s not one of those “friend” parents, but she and he have had this amazingly wonderful bond that I’ve been blessed to witness. However, his fishing, crawdad-catching little girl is turning into a young lady…and he’s struggling. He still wants his fishing buddy. He misses her in so many ways. But, she is pushing him away. And he is so frustrated and hurt.
When I started this blog a couple days ago, I thought I was supposed to write to you about what dads need to do to keep their relationship close to changing girls. But God, like He does so many times with me, led me in a different direction. One night my husband and I stayed up late talking about how important it is for him not to pull away from Mattie during these transition years—which is something I think all daddies of little girls face. (He’s doing an awesome job staying in the battle by the way.) I found myself explaining why he needed to fight so hard for her heart. I explained that she will put his traits onto her Heavenly Father. I implored that he not back away from her…because he represents God in so many ways in her life. For instance, if he pulls away and and “gives up” when she is sassing, then she will, as she gets older, believe that her heavenly Father can give up on her too. It was a hard conversation for both of us. We were both shedding tears of frustration, hurt, and mostly love for our daughter. I don’t think she has any idea how much we want to help her during this time.
As I worked through my feelings on this and prepared to write this blog, God whispered to me, “Put yourself in his shoes for a bit.” You see, Jason and Mattie could always talk about anything. No question was off-limits; she knew she could ask him anything. They were better at talking than I ever was with her. A teacher at heart, I was always instructing. But he was able to listen, explore, and go on adventures with her. His relationship with her was awe-inspiring. But now, I am the one she talks to. We go shopping, get our nails done, and have “girl talk” about how her body is changing, about boys, and about how women fit into the world we live in. And Daddy, “Just doesn’t understand” anymore. When I stepped into Jason’s shoes, my heart broke. I felt like I’d lost something that I could never get back. I began to weep…and God whispered, “That is how I feel about you…” Ouch.
I asked God, “How have I done that to you, Lord?” He showed me how I’ve not been the best at going to Him in prayer in the last few months. I used to sit and talk to Him about everything that was in my life. But, the battle that I had at work caused me to start obligatorily praying, and not truly spending time with my heavenly “daddy.” I realized that He felt the very way Jason did, multiplied exponentially, about me. I’ve been putting Him in a box…I’ve been feeling much like Mattie does, that God, “just doesn’t understand…”
Amazingly, He does understand, and I know that. He wants to have time with me. He wants our long chats back. He wants all of me again. How I’ve grieved Him…just like my daughter is grieving my husband right now.
My sweet husband has been making “daddy daughter time” a major priority. He’s taking her fishing, taking her for walks, and really trying to spend real quality time with her. He’s been loving on her—even when she’s not very lovable.
God wants to do the same thing with me, actually with all of us. He wants His “daddy daughter time” too. But I have to meet Him half way. I have to listen to the whispers in my ear, and I have to respond. I have to answer when my Daddy calls…He doesn’t want to bop me on the head to get my attention…He wants me to want to spend time with Him. He wants every part of my life.I think about my sweet daughter, who is having some really not-so-sweet moments right now, and I think of how we all are like her. We’re mature in some ways, and really immature in others. God wants us to grow—just like Jason and I want Mattie to grow. God wants to see us become everything He gifted us to be! I don’t know about you, but this week, and until He needs to remind me again, I’m going to schedule some real “daddy daughter time.”
Here are some pictures of Jason and Mattie on some of their adventures during the years. I hope you enjoy them, and they remind you how important fatherhood is and how important you are to your Father.
Staying Alert in Christ,
Megan
Jason and Mattie when she was two.
Jason and Mattie age three
Jason and Mattie age five
Jason and Mattie age six
Mattie, age ten, just two days ago having her “daddy daughter time.”
Lessons on Legalism Part 2: Making God Frown
I have to admit; I’ve had trouble writing this blog. I’ve put it together several times in my head and on paper, and it never seemed to work out right. I either sounded wishy-washy, or I sounded bitter. It’s been hard because I am battling bitterness right now. I totally believe God wanted me to write and publish my last blog. But, it’s like He’s now frowning, saying, “Okay, you got it off your chest. You were right. You proved it. You spoke it. And, you’re done.” So, this will be my last blog in this series. I won’t be writing four; I’ll end it with two. God is done with my writing on this subject, and He’s made that clear. It’s my job to obey. I don’t like it when I make God frown.
The other thing that He’s been speaking to me about is that I need to be honest. I was part of the legalistic problem. In order for me to truly be able to write this blog, I have to accept part of the blame. I don’t want to do that. I don’t think anyone likes taking blame…but this is particularly hard for me, because I bought into the lie. I bought into legalism hook, line, and (definitely) sinker…So, for me to write this and really speak to you…I need to be honest. The reason I understand and see the dangers of legalism are because I was one.
I truly believe that people don’t step into legalism on purpose. I know I didn’t. I stepped into it with a real desire to please God. I became close to a group of people who were following God with all their hearts, or at least that’s what I believed at the time, and I did grow closer to God at first. Being legalistic feels like a call to righteousness. But, what eventually happened is that I started to believe that I knew better than the Holy Spirit. Instead of reading my bible and letting it speak to me, I started using it to find proofs for what I believed. (Which is what I was doing in my last post, I might add…anyone besides me find it dry? 🙂 ) I started holding people to a standard that I couldn’t meet. I became critical, judgmental, and very un-Christlike.
I didn’t used to be this way. I just liked to love on people. I listened. It was one of the things my students liked about me. I would talk to them about how much God loved them. I would show them God’s love by forgiving them, and by loving them no matter what they did. However, the last year of my teaching, I didn’t do that at all. To other people, I would defend my students and fight for them, but in the classroom I spent most of my time chewing them out for the very things I was trying to protect them from. It was a vicious cycle. They stopped believing that I loved them. They started to rebel against me, and against God. It was the hardest thing I’ve experienced teaching. I watched them become the very thing I was fighting against. And, because I was fighting against legalism everywhere but in my own classroom, I had no support system. I’d become the enemy. The other teachers had become like Cain and wanted to destroy Abel. I felt very alone.
It would be easy for me to say that the blame belonged to the other staff. The truth is, much of it was. My students had progressed through a very legalistic system—which is why they loved my classroom so much. But, as a friend pointed out, I began to return evil for evil. I was part of the problem because I’d stopped fighting the good fight. I’d become the enemy. I was just as bad as were.
But, there is hope. In my case, God led me to step away so the school could heal. The school has almost all new staff—staff that love God and desire to show God to the world (not just shelter their children from it). The board also took my suggestions to heart and put almost everything I’d asked for into place. It’s not the same school. God used my brokenness and made something truly wonderful. I can attest to this because after explaining to God how I never wanted my daughter to go back there, He told me that she should. Talk about humbling. And she is LOVING this school year. She comes home every day, excited and fueled. It’s amazing. I pray every student is feeling this. I especially pray for my former students whom I failed in so many ways last year. God is good. He has a plan for them, and even though they may not believe it, He’s been breaking away the legalistic shell (that I didn’t create but couldn’t seem to destroy) that stifled their growth and crushed their faith. And, he’s changing me back into a person who is just in love with Him…I know it, because others are seeing it in me. I’m seeing it in myself, and I know God is smiling…
Staying Alert in Christ,
Megan
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Lessons on Legalism: Part I
An Explanation
Those of you who know me, know that I have been working in Christian education for the last three years. While I worked in that atmosphere, I learned many important lessons about Christ, His character, and who I am in Him. I’m still working through many of my feelings about this season in my life, but I want to make it clear that this post is not meant to “bash” the school I worked at. It is not meant to “bash” certain people who worked there, or Christian education as a whole. These are lessons that I’m sorting through, and I pray writing this is helping me to process and apply these lessons. I may not always feel the way I do today. God has a way of refining me little by little and not all at once. I’m sure as time passes, I’ll grow to see the big picture and what God was doing during this time. I pray that the lessons I’m going to share with you in my next four blogs are helpful and that they bless you. I am being very careful not to attack anyone, but because you need to understand where I have been the last three years in order to understand these lessons, I am going to list examples from my experience. I will not be giving any names, and the examples I’m listing are pretty benign, meaning they are not representative of the worst situations that I experienced. They are actually representative of the pettiest things that happened. I’m doing this deliberately not only so that you can see simple examples, but also to protect those who were involved. Some of these examples have a huge back-story that I’m not going to explain. It is not the purpose of this blog to vent or to gain approval of my actions or feelings. I hope this makes sense. Additionally, I pray that God leads my hands as I write. I pray that this post is a blessing and not a hindrance to any person’s faith.
A Definition
What is Legalism? Wikipedia defines it as a “pejorative term referring to an over-emphasis on discipline of conduct, or legal ideas, usually implying an allegation of misguided rigor, pride, superficiality, the neglect of mercy, and ignorance of the grace of God or emphasizing the letter of law at the expense of the spirit. Legalism is alleged against any view that obedience to law, not faith in God’s grace, is the pre-eminent principle of redemption.” To put it simply, it is a direct focus on the works of the sinner and not the grace of the King. It is a simplistic faith that many are drawn to because it’s easy. A + B = C. Black and White. Simple.
But, God does not call us to a simplistic faith. He calls us to a complex one. He knows we’re going to get our hands dirty. If we’re truly following Him, life will be hard. His life on earth wasn’t easy. Jesus didn’t stay in the lines of organized religion. He drew outside of them. I love the song “My Jesus” by Todd Agnew. It does an excellent job describing the Jesus I know and love. The truth is that when we are drawn into legalism, we are either going to stop growing as a Christian, or we’re going to tick a bunch of people off—which is exactly what I did.
But, I want to be clear, I am in no way advocating disavowing the Law. Romans 6: 1-2 says, “What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?” If we are following Christ on this great adventure that is life, we cannot continue to live in sin. He won’t let us. Although He didn’t follow the “rules,” he never sinned. That is the life He’s calling us into. It is not okay to break the law because we don’t agree with it. Rather, if our focus is on Christ, and not on the law, we will live in His grace. We will grow in our faith. And, we will not be drawn into sin.
A Couple Simple Examples
Here are three examples of my time living and working in a legalistic environment.
1. Dancing is evil. I taught 7th through 12th grade. I didn’t have very many students, but the students I did have mentioned one of the things they’d miss most about going to public high school was a prom. We didn’t have organized sports or academic activities either; the school was primarily focused on their education. So, after visiting with some of the parents about it, I visited with the other teachers. The response from them was adamant. Dancing, and public dances are all evil. They were shocked I would consider it. Truth be told, I thought that if the parent organization wanted to put together a banquet for the students, I was all for it. However, I didn’t have an issue with a dance. If it’s well supervised and good music was played, then I thought it might even be a blessing.
2. Modern Christian music is dangerous. One of the things three of my female students wanted to do in a parade was play Jamie Grace music and twirl batons. I was trying to find a way that we could play the music loud enough for the spectators to hear, when another teacher challenged me. She said she felt that any music that “sounded” like secular music was dangerous and wouldn’t be a good representation of our school. She wanted to know if my students could twirl to an old hymn so that the music would be “different” from what the worldy teens were used to. I tried to explain that my students were trying to show that being a Christian isn’t uncool, but that we can have a lot of fun too. But, the issue was pushed until my students decided it was too much of a hassle to do it at all. They didn’t twirl in the parade.
3. Showing grace is too much to ask. One of my students, during a mentoring session with younger kids, mentioned that she was often frustrated with her father–a common tween to teen feeling. I was confronted by a teacher about the exchange. The teacher conceded that the student wasn’t making fun of her dad, or even being truly disrespectful, but that she didn’t think that it was good for her to be disparaging her relationship with her father in front of younger students. She went on to insist that my student not be allowed to mentor any more because of the comment she made. I told her I thought that was a little too strong of a response. I assured her that I would talk to the student about being respectful to her elders, whether she’s getting along with them or not—which I did. However, the teacher in question didn’t let it go. I found myself discussing it with her several more times. She wanted the young lady removed from the mentoring program and even verbally attacked the student’s Christian character when I didn’t bend to her will.
Here’s the crux–scripture can back each of these examples up. Dancing, although it’s done in the Bible by many of God’s people, can be viewed as lewd behavior. At times it really is a sin; I agree with that. However, that is not to say that what these students were asking for was sinful. Often legalistic people use the argument that we must, “avoid the appearance of sin,” as an excuse to ban anything they are uncomfortable with. That is also the excuse to ban music—Christian or not. Finally, it’s obvious what scriptural example was used in the last example: “Honor your father and mother.” However, what each of these examples is missing is Christ. Jesus never said that it was a sin to dance. In fact, King David, was known for his dancing and he was called “a man after my own heart,” by God. Additionally, I truly doubt that Jesus would disparage Jamie Grace’s (an awesome new Christian musician) music because it sounds like songs that are on secular radio. The words don’t sound anything like secular radio. “Lord I love it when You hold me…” were the lyrics to the chorus. Finally, God calls us to show grace and mercy to all people—even ones who make mistakes.
What it all Boils Down to
What legalism is at its core is a faith that is built on works and not grace. People who become legalistic in their day-to-day walk have forgotten that they are depraved sinners who are nothing without Christ. They have replaced a daily search for Christ with a pride that they know best, and a self-righteousness built from the laws they follow. The truth is, it’s easier to live like that, than to live like Christ. We are called to take up our cross (a instrument of execution) and follow Him. That’s not easy. Not at all. In Corinthians Paul describes people who are living this lifestyle. He says, “But I, brothers, could not address you as spiritual people, but as people of the flesh, as infants in Christ. I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. And even now you are not yet ready, for you are still of the flesh. For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way?” (I Corinthians 3:1-3) We humans want to be in control. We don’t like feeling weak. We don’t like to admit we don’t know the answers and that the answers aren’t always easy. Legalists believe they know the answers. They live in a world where everything is black and white, and there are no shades of grey. Following their rules gives them control. So if we are living in legalism, we are not growing. God wants to offer us steak, but we’re stuck drinking the milk of babies.
Personally, I prefer steak.
Over the next month I’ll be expounding on the dangers of legalism. I hope these bless you, challenge you, and make you grow. The time I spent in living in legalism has definitely done that to me.
Also, if you haven’t liked my facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/stayingalert) please do so. I am starting a daily bible study tomorrow to further challenge me, and to, hopefully, bless you.
Staying Alert in Christ,
Megan
Go ahead God, bop me on the head again…
The other day, God bopped me on the head. After I’d completed my first official blog I went on a walk. I was all comfy, wearing my “Flashdance” sweatshirt (even though I’ve never actually seen that movie!), and my sweat shorts. I’ll admit, I was pretty proud of myself. I felt like I’d actually accomplished something. And, I was already starting to brainstorm my next post. On a whim, I pulled out my cellphone and took a “selfie.” I see people’s portraits of themselves all the time on facebook, and I hardly ever do one of myself–although I love to do them with my daughter. I had fun. I had some goofy expressions, as you’ll see below, but overall I didn’t look like a total cow, so I considered it a success. As I walked, I continued brainstorming. I took some other pictures (that I’ll probably put in another post), I visited with my dogs, and I prayed. That’s when I realized it: I was taking a picture of myself, to perhaps post on my blog… and this is a blog about whom exactly? It’s not supposed to be about me.
Isn’t it funny how sin sneaks up on us. One of the sins I battle the most is pride. It’s partly because of the country I’ve been raised in. Don’t get me wrong; I love the USA, but what are we all about? Pride. We take pride in our work, pride in our schools, pride in who we are. We are proud. Part of my battle has been in trying to “do things right,” and to “take pride in my work.” These are not bad things–really. But, they are dangerous if we get too caught up in them–like I have done many times in my life. And, this realization got me to reliving the times in my life where God took me down a notch or two. He’s had to do that, and as ashamed as I am to admit it, He always gave me fair warning before hand. He always said, “Megan, this isn’t about you, it’s about Me.” But, I didn’t listen. I let my feelings, my desires, my sense of fair play guide my thoughts and actions. I took my eyes off Him, and focused on Me. That is always a recipe for disaster.
So, since I took my “selfie,” I’ve been pondering what it would be like if–instead of focusing on my feelings, wants, desires, etc.– I focused only on God’s. What would that do? Would I still take pride in my work? Yes, I’d be doing it unto the Lord (Colossians 3:23). My pride would be refocused. I would be “proud” of God–not of myself.
I’ve seen pride tear friends apart. I’ve seen it create rifts in churches. I’ve seen it create destruction in marriages. Misplaced pride will always lead to defeat. What’s the old saying? “Pride comes before the fall.” That’s scripture you know. It’s found in Proverbs 16:18. God knows what He’s talking about.
What else does the bible say about pride? Here are some more from King Solomon in Proverbs:
“When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.” Proverbs 11:2
“By insolence [Pride] comes nothing but strife, but with those who take advice is wisdom.” Proverbs 13:10
“One’s pride will bring him low, but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor.” Proverbs 29:23
So, pride doesn’t get us anywhere we want to go. It’s mind-blowing if you really think about it. What we are constantly fed by society is that we should be proud of ourselves. We live in an entitled world. That entitlement comes from pride. We think we deserve (fill in the blank) because we’ve earned it. One of my old pastors said something that has stuck with me my whole life. He said, “The only thing we’re entitled to is to spend eternity in hell. Everything else is a blessing from God.”
What would happen if we really started to live for God? That’s what the apostle Paul was talking about when he wrote his letter to the Philippians 3:4-9:
“…If someone else thinks they have reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee; as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for righteousness based on the law, faultless. But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith inChrist—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith.”
By the earthly standards in Paul’s time, he had arrived. He had done all that was required of him and more. He was zealous about his religion, and took great pride in punishing those who followed Christ instead of the Pharisaical rule. He was respected. He was praised. He had a lot to be proud of. But, after God got his attention and he realized what it was that he was actually called to do, Paul threw it all away to follow Christ. None of the worldly standards mattered to him anymore. Wow. Talk about a powerful faith. Paul also gave credit to where it is truly due. To Christ. All is lost, but Christ is gain. Powerful.
Consider what that would look like. Matthew West wrote a song called, “My Own Little World.” It’s a favorite of mine. My favorite line is, “Father, break my heart for what breaks Yours. Give me open hands and open doors.
Put Your light in my eyes and let me see. That my own little world is not about me.”
Lord, give me the strength to live like that. Remind me that my world is about You, and not me. Help me to see that my pride is but rubbish compared to Your glory. And feel free to bop me on the head when I forget.
Here is a goofy “selfie” Enjoy! 
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Staying Alert in Christ,
Megan
Staying Alert 