Tag Archives: Grandparent

Lord, help my mom see…

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A disclaimer:  My mother edits all my blogs.  Since this blog is about her, it’s not been edited…please be patient if I missed something.  I couldn’t write this blog without my mom–she’s amazing!

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My parents with our entire family.

Well, it’s the week after mother’s day. I’ve been pondering what it means to be a “good mother,” for while but it took spending a weekend with my wonderful mom to solidify my thoughts. My last post I talked about a painful moment in my childhood where my mom, in an effort to help me fit in better at school, asked me to “change” my behavior. (I hugged everyone, and I mean everyone, and I wanted to show people how much I liked them by hugging them.) After reading the blog my mother shared it on Facebook and said, “so many regrets.” This comment broke my heart. I didn’t want her to regret anything. I was simply reflecting on lessons I learned and applying them to how I raise Mattie. So, this blog is addressed to my mom. Let me tell you what I learned about being a “good mother,” from one of the best.

1. Mom, you taught me to always evaluate who I am as a mom. You do this even now. You question your motives. You analyze your actions. You worry that it’s never enough. I believe part of being a good mom is learning from mistakes, and not assuming that I know what I’m doing, because I don’t.   You didn’t either, but because you cared, you didn’t have to know—wanting to do it right made all the difference.

2. Mom, you taught me that sometimes words aren’t needed. There were many times in my childhood where I remember you just holding me as I cried.   You always say you “talked us to death.” I disagree; you always seemed to know when not to speak.

3. Mom, you taught me how to vent. There are times when our frustrations run high and we need to just let it out. You have always been my sounding board. You have always been there to temper my ire with patience and grace (and sometimes the willingness to fight off whoever was hurting me).   I still use you for that today, and you’ve taught me to do the same for Mattie when she’s frustrated.

4. Mom, you’ve taught me that being a good mom means being a good listener—even when it hurts. I remember our long walks where I worked through the hardest moments in my life. You listened. You didn’t try to fix anything. You were simply there. Loving me was enough. You were my companion through turbulent waters. You couldn’t make the storm pass, but you could walk through it with me.

5. Mom, you’ve taught me the power of prayer. I knew you were praying for me when I was growing up. I knew that you trusted that He had a plan, even when you worried what that plan might be. I have the faith that I have now, because you taught me how to live as a Christian.

Part of being a good mom, is knowing that you’ll make mistakes, but trusting that God can take those mistakes and turn them into an amazing blessing.

Finally, mom, here’s something I’ve been learning lately. Part of being a good mom, is knowing that you’ll make mistakes, but trusting that God can take those mistakes and turn them into an amazing blessing. I don’t want to make mistakes any more than you did. But, I know from my own life that the mistakes I make God will use to mold Mattie into an amazing light for Him. I have to trust Him. I’m afraid. I worry. I evaluate. I pray. I love her more than my own life. I learned how to be the mom I am because of you. Please don’t be sad about the mistakes you may have made. Use them to show the world the power of Christ to take any circumstance—even a bull headed girl like me—and make a blessing out of it.

I love you mom. You’re my hero.

Do I have good manners, Lord?

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My Parents and Grandparents this last Christmas

Ever had one of those weeks that appears to have a “theme?”  I believe God speaks to us all the time.  Sometimes He does it by bopping us on the head, or whispering quietly in our ear, or sometimes He brings things into our lives again and again until (if we’re paying attention), we see a pattern.  I’ve had a week that seems to have me feeling like a broken record…then it hit me…there’s a theme here.  God is speaking.  How cool…

We’ve been discussing manners at our house.  It seems to me that many times, as parents, we keep manners in a box.  We limit them to saying “please,” or “thank you,” or not blowing our nose at the dinner table.  But having “good manners” should go deeper than that.  I find myself saying things that my parents and grandparents used to say to me.  The other day, as Mattie and I were leaving my work, I said to her, “Did you pick up the kid’s area?”  She answered that she had, and then I said, “Be sure to leave it better than you found it.”  I didn’t even think before saying it.  It was a concept that was drilled into me by my parents, but I learned it most from my grandparents.  When I was a kid my grandpa was a rural letter carrier.  Every year my grandpa and grandma took us to the state rural letter carriers convention with them.  I remember getting up in the morning and making my bed at the hotel (something I didn’t always do at home) because Grandpa would say, “We always leave a place better than we found it.”  When he taught me this, he was telling me that the housekeeper had worth and we needed to treat her with love and respect—even if we never met her, even if she never knew why we were doing it.  Powerful message, and even though I don’t make my bed at home every day, I always think of that when I stay at someone’s house or at a hotel.

But, there’s more to this theme than one comment.   Our daughter Mattie and I have been having deeper conversations than that.  We had the State Fair last week.  It’s a busy week for us because Mattie has many projects there—her biggest being her rabbits.  So, this year, we invited her cousin to spend the weekend with us.  Mattie and Emma are great friends and they had a good time—although they did get on each other’s nerves at points.  Mattie was challenging me on one of those points while we were riding in the car this last week.  She didn’t understand why I seemed to favor Emma’s ideas over hers.  It was an honest emotion, and I understood why she was frustrated.  I tried to explain to her that it wasn’t that I thought Emma had better ideas, it was because Emma was our guest, and that I was being hospitable.  That concept was difficult for a ten year old–who desires her mother’s approval and felt that my choosing her cousin’s ideas over hers was a sign that I didn’t approve of her– to grasp.  So I turned the tables on her.  It gave me a base to deepen the discussion to one of how she acts when she’s a guest.  Does she behave well knowing that people are trying to be hospitable to her?  Is she putting others before herself?  (She’s always been naturally gracious, so this isn’t a problem, but it was a great conversation.)

God, then deepened the theme that was becoming very transparent, when I read this article that was posted on facebook.  (http://www.prodigalmagazine.com/she-yelled-and-called-me-names/)  It tells the story of a lady who is getting a coffee at Starbucks and is treated very poorly by someone else while in the drive-thru.  But, instead of returning evil for evil, she chooses to try to buy the other lady’s coffee.  One quote that blew me away was this, “Instead of getting mad or yelling back at her, a sense of empathy invaded me. I looked at her again, and this time I saw someone different, someone who wrenched my heart. Her eyes were red and puffy. Her hair was pulled back in a natty ponytail. She held her phone in her palm, glancing down at it every few seconds. And she was driving that big ole’ gas hog of a Suburban, my own car of choice when I had three kids at home and a carpool.”  I don’t know that empathy would have been my first reaction to the lady in question.  If you have a chance to read the article, you’ll see that this woman didn’t deserve empathy at all.  But then I thought of how many times I’ve asked God to “open my eyes and help me to see people as You see them.”  I was convicted.

How many times do I not treat people with empathy?  Whether it be the Fed-Ex guy who is driving me crazy, the woman who pulled out in front of me in the grocery store parking lot, or the person who has sinned against me, how does God want me to react?

Matthew 7:12

“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you…”

Proverbs 15:1

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Matthew 5:39

“But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.”

I Peter 3:9

“Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”

I’ve shared with you that I’ve been battling bitterness with a group of people who have sinned against me.  I also shared that I didn’t handle it well and that I began to return evil for evil.  God’s still refining me…thank goodness!  But, He’s used the lessons I’ve been trying to teach my daughter about having “good manners” to open my heart up to something bigger.

God doesn’t want us to be wimps.  He doesn’t want us get walked on, but He wants us to love others—even when they don’t deserve it, especially when they don’t deserve it.  I think about our political climate right now.  I’m very conservative, and I think about all the things I post that support my views.  But, how many of those things attack instead of inform.  How many of those things aim to do evil to people who don’t agree with me.  Ugh. I’ve not been being very Christ-like.

People are hurting.  “Holier than thou” attitudes will not heal them.  If I really want to be like Christ, then I need to change my perspective.  I need to start to allow Him to open my eyes to what has been going on under the surface.  I need to start to have empathy for those who may choose to hurt me.  I need to choose to carry the cross of the pain they cause me and turn the other cheek—like Christ did when He died for me.  I’m not saying that I’m not going to try to change the world. However, God called me to be a light in the world for Him, not a shotgun.  I must not return evil for evil anymore.  After all, I’ve been raised to leave a place better than I found it. 🙂

Staying Alert in Christ,

Megan

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