I haven’t written in a couple of weeks.  In that time I’ve done a lot of packing and unpacking.  I packed a suitcase for my daughter to go on her first trip without her parents—she went to Amarillo, Texas, to the National Finals Ranch Rodeo as a birthday present from my parents.  I packed a change of clothes for my husband and myself to change into after the funeral of a dear uncle who died in a house fire.  I packed clean clothes and toiletries as we went to use the showers at a friend’s house when our plumbing sprung multiple leaks…again.  I packed to visit my brother and his sweet family in Kansas City, and this week, I’ll pack again for visits to family for Thanksgiving.  I think you can tell why I haven’t written in a couple weeks.

 It’s amazing to me how God uses simple—some would say meaningless—tasks and speaks meaning into them.  I have felt so burdened carrying around these  suitcases seemingly everywhere I go.   And, like He does so many times, God used that feeling to show me something about myself.  I’ve become quite the pack mule.  I’ve been carrying around many burdens that are only hurting me.  I’ve been holding onto heartache from a family member who continues to do things that are, from my perspective, hurtful.  I’ve been carrying the weight of my daughter’s whole future (don’t all mom’s do this…we worry about how we’re going to prepare our children for the world).  I’ve been carrying around the fear that, even with four jobs and faithful parents, we’ll starve.  I’ve been carrying around unforgiveness toward a dear friend who betrayed my trust.  Yep.  I’m a pack mule.

 One afternoon, while I was heading down to do chores in the barn, I was having a real gripe-fest of a prayer.  I was complaining about one of these situations to God.  I just couldn’t understand why this person continued to behave the way she does.  I was venting…and God whispered.  “That’s not your burden, Megan.”  I opened my heart and listened more deeply.  He said, “Her actions are her burdens to bear…not yours.”  How many times have I done this Lord!  I borrow trouble, or worry about all of the things other people are saying and doing.  I can’t control her.  She will reap the consequences of her actions, and that has nothing to do with me.  Yikes—that realization was a little humbling, but mostly freeing.

 A Bible study leader of mine taught once on the “Laws of the Harvest.”  I believe she was using Adrian Rogers’ template.  She said that there were three laws.  First, you will reap what you sow.  Simple enough, but it’s true.  Our actions have consequences.  Second, you will reap more than you sowed.  Yikes.  And third, you will reap later than you sowed.  How does all this fit in with me being a pack mule?  I have enough reaping and sowing of my own without worrying about what someone else is doing.  I’ve seen and done this so many times.  I’ve chosen to worry and bear burdens like I have control over the harvest of another person.  I don’t.  God does.

 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  Matthew 11: 28-30

 I have a lot to learn.  I’ve read that verse so many times.  I’ve often thought, “Wouldn’t it be nice if I could actually do that?”  And, “What would that feel like?”  But I knew I didn’t truly understand it.  Until now.

 I’ve been experiencing a real revival in my heart.  God’s been doing amazing things.  He’s been breaking down barriers and building up truth in their place.  I’ve been seeing the world differently.  Very differently.  So, I’m unpacking.  I’m unpacking lies that I’ve bought into.  I’m seeking His truth instead of simply believing what other Christians have said.  I’m digging deeply into His word and asking the hard questions.   I’m evaluating my beliefs and asking “should I believe this Lord?”  I’ve asked Him to lead me in my studies.  I’m looking for a radical, life changing, faith.

 The other day my daughter and I saw a homeless person standing on the side of the road.  We see them a lot, and Mattie always wants to give them money.  I always say, “We just don’t have the money.”   And, “ We don’t know what they’ll use the money on.”  This time, as I passed, Mattie said to me again, “Why can’t we give him money, Mommy?”  I started  my regular speech, but I felt my stomach clench…which is a sure sign that God wants me to do something different.  I started praying, “God, what do you want me to do?”  I had a five dollar bill in my purse.  Not much.  But God was telling me to give it to the man.  So, I turned around and headed back into the parking lot.  Mattie exclaimed, “Are we giving him money?!”  I said, “Yes, God wants me to.”  I rolled down my window, and I saw a man who looked a lot my own husband.  He looked humiliated.  I immediately felt a surge of empathy.  He said, “Thank you so much ma’am.”  I smiled and said, “it’s not much, but it’s all I’ve got.”  As I drove away I began to weep.  Mattie didn’t understand and thought I was worried, “ Mom, what if he uses it to buy drugs?”  What came out of my mouth blew my mind, as it wasn’t even on my mind. “I’m not responsible for what he does with the money.  I’m responsible to God, and He wanted me to give that man my last $5.”  It was freeing and powerful.  I finally understood what Jesus meant when He asked us to “take his yoke.”  He offers such freedom, if we’ll just learn from Him.

 So, Lord, help me to keep unpacking my burdens.  Show me Your truth.  Show me Your will.  Show me how You want me to treat others.  I want the seeds I sow to reap a good harvest for You.

This week’s playlist:

Casting Crowns “All You Ever Wanted”  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ea-uQFPcvaM

Laura Story “I Can Just Be Me” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VRUU8UBXCk

Big Daddy Weave “Redeemed” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzGAYNKDyIU

Mark Schultz “All Things Possible”  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrW2Xwkhyso

Jason Gray “More Like Falling in Love” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXHxpLvv2y8