Tag Archives: Religious education

Lord, help me show her she’s enough…

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God's Handiwork

Before Easter I had the awesome opportunity to take my daughter to the “Secret Keeper Crazy Hair Tour,” in a nearby town.  If you have the chance to take your daughter to one of these events, please do so.  Don’t let conflicts get in your way—it will bless you and your daughter immensely!   One of the most impacting moments was after one of the speakers shared her personal testimony about her battle with body image.   After sharing that God doesn’t want the girls to be “normal” but instead that they should be endeavoring to be “Crazy” for God, the speaker asked everyone’s eyes to close.  She led the girls in laying their own hand on the area of their body that they don’t like—a place that they feel is unattractive, ugly, or not “normal.”  After doing this the speaker asked that the girls pray with her giving that area, which they have no control over because their bodies are changing, over to God.  She then asked God to clear the girls’ minds of the desire to be anything but themselves.  It was an amazing experience.  I opened my eyes, tears streaming down my face, to see my daughter looking up at me, tears streaming down her face.  Then I hugged her and prayed over her.  I believe it changed our relationship forever.

In the following weeks I’ve had many opportunities to remind Mattie of the things she learned and experienced at the event.  She’s battled hormones, a boy who put a mean sign on her back, a virus that caused her to miss a week of school, and then a double ear infection that caused her to miss even more.  She’s been weary and overwhelmed.  One day she said to me, “Mom, no matter what I do, I’ll never be enough.”

It broke my heart.  It also reminded me of a speaker I listened to at our denomination’s women’s retreat several years ago.   I wish I could remember her name so I could give her credit here, but I just can’t bring it to mind.  What she said made an impact on me because she spoke right to what I was feeling as a young married mom.  She said, “The world tells you you’re not enough and too much all at the same time.”

“The world tells you you’re not enough and too much

all at the same time.”

I’ve felt that.  I’ve felt like there wasn’t enough of me to go around.  Like I’d never be super mom.  Like I am doomed to fail as a mother and as a lover of Christ.  The world shoved works down my throat and asked me to “strive” to do better.  All the while I felt bombarded by the feelings that I was too “over the top,” or “too emotional,” or “too excited.”  I was not enough and yet too much.

What made things even worse was that those messages weren’t sent to me by a males-centric society, but rather, by other women!  It went deeper than just what my clothes looked like to things like how long it took me to find a Bible verse or what I chose to wear to church.  I felt like I had to constantly strive to be something I’m not—and every person had different expectations. I could never be enough.  I never felt at peace.  I still don’t, if I’m truly honest.

I remember being Mattie’s age.  It was a horrible time.  I remember sitting in my bed crying at night because the other girls at school were so cruel.  I was a hugger and I just loved everyone.  I remember my mother trying to get me to “just calm down,” and to “not wear my heart on my sleeve.”  I remember sobbing and saying, “but you’re asking me not to be me.”

“but you’re asking me not to be me.”

What I’ve been pondering this week is, “How do we as mothers do this to our daughters?”  Do I make Mattie feel like she’s not enough and yet too much?  If I’m completely honest, yes, I do that.  I don’t want her to be hurt by the legalism at her school, so I sometimes don’t let her wear what she wants—even if it fits dress code and it’s modest.  I’ve seen her respond to this by not wanting to wear her hair down so that people won’t think she’s too proud of it, or that they think she’s a “girly-girl.”

All the while, I’m telling her things like, “calm down,” “not so loud,” “act like a big girl please.”  I’m showing her that who she is, isn’t enough, and yet it’s too much.  I’m training her to do the very things that I have fought to free myself from.

I told you at the beginning of this blog that this event changed our relationship forever.  It’s starting with me.  I’m starting to say things like “If you like your hair like that, then do it,” and after checking to see if something is modest asking, “Do you feel pretty in it?  Then wear it!”  Now, I’m not quite to the point of letting her wear paisley and plaid together (because I have to teach her some decorum) but the point is, I’m trying to accept her for who she is—so that she knows she’s enough for me.

I’m trying to accept her for who she is—

so that she knows she’s enough for me.

Our Heavenly Father created each of us because He wanted our companionship.  He has a plan for our lives, and He never questions if we’re enough.  He never feels that we’re too much either—because He made us to be who we are.  He knows that we are perfect in our salvation from the blood of His precious Son.  So why do we let Satan convince us that we’re not?  Why do we let others do that to us?

That’s over at our house.  My frog catching, snake loving, horse riding, girly-girl is perfectly created by a perfect God.  It’s time I started treating her like it.

Lord, I repent of not showing Mattie her beauty that you placed in her.  Help me to see her through Your perfect eyes.  Help me to show her that whatever she does, if she does it for You she will be enough.  Thank you Lord for re-making me as a mom…I love you Lord.  Amen.

Staying Alert in Christ,

 

Megan

 

Playlist:

Jonny Diaz, “More Beautiful You”  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNqQUojBg84

Casting Crowns, “All You Ever Wanted”  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ea-uQFPcvaM

Big Daddy Weave, “Redeemed,” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzGAYNKDyIU

Lessons on Legalism: Part I

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An Explanation

Those of you who know me, know that I have been working in Christian education for the last three years.  While I worked in that atmosphere, I learned many important lessons about Christ, His character, and who I am in Him.  I’m still working through many of my feelings about this season in my life, but I want to make it clear that this post is not meant to “bash” the school I worked at.  It is not meant to “bash” certain people who worked there, or Christian education as a whole.  These are lessons that I’m sorting through, and I pray writing this is helping me to process and apply these lessons.  I may not always feel the way I do today.  God has a way of refining me little by little and not all at once.  I’m sure as time passes, I’ll grow to see the big picture and what God was doing during this time.  I pray that the lessons I’m going to share with you in my next four blogs are helpful and that they bless you.  I am being very careful not to attack anyone, but because you need to understand where I have been the last three years in order to understand these lessons, I am going to list examples from my experience.  I will not be giving any names, and the examples I’m listing are pretty benign, meaning they are not representative of the worst situations that I experienced.   They are actually representative of the pettiest things that happened.  I’m doing this deliberately not only so that you can see simple examples, but also to protect those who were involved.  Some of these examples have a huge back-story that I’m not going to explain.  It is not the purpose of this blog to vent or to gain approval of my actions or feelings.  I hope this makes sense.  Additionally, I pray that God leads my hands as I write.  I pray that this post is a blessing and not a hindrance to any person’s faith.

A Definition

What is Legalism?  Wikipedia defines it as a “pejorative term referring to an over-emphasis on discipline of conduct, or legal ideas, usually implying an allegation of misguided rigor, pride, superficiality, the neglect of mercy, and ignorance of the grace of God or emphasizing the letter of law at the expense of the spirit. Legalism is alleged against any view that obedience to law, not faith in God’s grace, is the pre-eminent principle of redemption.”  To put it simply, it is a direct focus on the works of the sinner and not the grace of the King.  It is a simplistic faith that many are drawn to because it’s easy.  A + B = C.  Black and White.  Simple.

But, God does not call us to a simplistic faith.  He calls us to a complex one.  He knows we’re going to get our hands dirty.  If we’re truly following Him, life will be hard.  His life on earth wasn’t easy.  Jesus didn’t stay in the lines of organized religion.  He drew outside of them.   I love the song “My Jesus” by Todd Agnew.  It does an excellent job describing the Jesus I know and love.  The truth is that when we are drawn into legalism, we are either going to stop growing as a Christian, or we’re going to tick a bunch of people off—which is exactly what I did.

But, I want to be clear, I am in no way advocating disavowing the Law.  Romans 6: 1-2 says, “What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?”  If we are following Christ on this great adventure that is life, we cannot continue to live in sin.  He won’t let us.  Although He didn’t follow the “rules,” he never sinned.  That is the life He’s calling us into.  It is not okay to break the law because we don’t agree with it.  Rather, if our focus is on Christ, and not on the law, we will live in His grace.  We will grow in our faith.  And, we will not be drawn into sin.

A Couple Simple Examples

Here are three examples of my time living and working in a legalistic environment.

1.     Dancing is evil.  I taught 7th through 12th grade.  I didn’t have very many students, but the students I did have mentioned one of the things they’d miss most about going to public high school was a prom.  We didn’t have organized sports or academic activities either;  the school  was primarily focused on their education.  So, after visiting with some of the parents about it, I visited with the other teachers.  The response from them was adamant.  Dancing, and public dances are all evil.  They were shocked I would consider it.  Truth be told, I thought that if the parent organization wanted to put together a banquet for the students, I was all for it.  However, I didn’t have an issue with a dance.  If it’s well supervised and good music was played, then I thought it might even be a blessing.

2.     Modern Christian music is dangerous.  One of the things three of my female students wanted to do in a parade was play Jamie Grace music and twirl batons.  I was trying to find a way that we could play the music loud enough for the spectators to hear, when another teacher challenged me.  She said she felt that any music that “sounded” like secular music was dangerous and wouldn’t be a good representation of our school.  She wanted to know if my students could twirl to an old hymn so that the music would be “different” from what the worldy teens were used to.  I tried to explain that my students were trying to show that being a Christian isn’t uncool, but that we can have a lot of fun too.  But, the issue was pushed until my students decided it was too much of a hassle to do it at all.  They didn’t twirl in the parade.

3.     Showing grace is too much to ask.  One of my students, during a mentoring session with younger kids, mentioned that she was often frustrated with her father–a common tween to teen feeling.  I was confronted by a teacher about the exchange.  The teacher conceded that the student wasn’t making fun of her dad, or even being truly disrespectful, but that she didn’t think that it was good for her to be disparaging her relationship with her father in front of younger students.  She went on to insist that my student not be allowed to mentor any more because of the comment she made.  I told her I thought that was a little too strong of a response.  I assured her that I would talk to the student about being respectful to her elders, whether she’s getting along with them or not—which I did.  However, the teacher in question didn’t let it go.  I found myself discussing it with her several more times.  She wanted the young lady removed from the mentoring program and even verbally attacked the student’s Christian character when I didn’t bend to her will.

Here’s the crux–scripture can back each of these examples up.  Dancing, although it’s done in the Bible by many of God’s people, can be viewed as lewd behavior.  At times it really is a sin; I agree with that.  However, that is not to say that what these students were asking for was sinful.  Often legalistic people use the argument that we must, “avoid the appearance of sin,” as an excuse to ban anything they are uncomfortable with.  That is also the excuse to ban music—Christian or not.  Finally, it’s obvious what scriptural example was used in the last example:  “Honor your father and mother.”  However, what each of these examples is missing is Christ.  Jesus never said that it was a sin to dance.  In fact, King David, was known for his dancing and he was called “a man after my own heart,” by God.  Additionally, I truly doubt that Jesus would disparage Jamie Grace’s (an awesome new Christian musician) music because it sounds like songs that are on secular radio.  The words don’t sound anything like secular radio.  “Lord I love it when You hold me…” were the lyrics to the chorus.  Finally, God calls us to show grace and mercy to all people—even ones who make mistakes.

What it all Boils Down to

What legalism is at its core is a faith that is built on works and not grace.  People who become legalistic in their day-to-day walk have forgotten that they are depraved sinners who are nothing without Christ.  They have replaced a daily search for Christ with a pride that they know best, and a self-righteousness built from the laws they follow.  The truth is, it’s easier to live like that, than to live like Christ.  We are called to take up our cross (a instrument of execution) and follow Him.  That’s not easy. Not at all.  In Corinthians Paul describes people who are living this lifestyle.  He says, “But I, brothers, could not address you as spiritual people, but as people of the flesh, as infants in Christ.  I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. And even now you are not yet ready, for you are still of the flesh. For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way?”  (I Corinthians 3:1-3)  We humans want to be in control.  We don’t like feeling weak.  We don’t like to admit we don’t know the answers and that the answers aren’t always easy.  Legalists believe they know the answers.  They live in a world where everything is black and white, and there are no shades of grey.  Following their rules gives them control.  So if we are living in legalism, we are not growing.  God wants to offer us steak, but we’re stuck drinking the milk of babies.

Personally, I prefer steak.

Over the next month I’ll be expounding on the dangers of legalism.  I hope these bless you, challenge you, and make you grow.  The time I spent in living in legalism has definitely done that to me.

Also, if you haven’t liked my facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/stayingalert) please do so.  I am starting a daily bible study tomorrow to further challenge me, and to, hopefully, bless you.

Staying Alert in Christ,

Megan