Before Easter I had the awesome opportunity to take my daughter to the “Secret Keeper Crazy Hair Tour,” in a nearby town. If you have the chance to take your daughter to one of these events, please do so. Don’t let conflicts get in your way—it will bless you and your daughter immensely! One of the most impacting moments was after one of the speakers shared her personal testimony about her battle with body image. After sharing that God doesn’t want the girls to be “normal” but instead that they should be endeavoring to be “Crazy” for God, the speaker asked everyone’s eyes to close. She led the girls in laying their own hand on the area of their body that they don’t like—a place that they feel is unattractive, ugly, or not “normal.” After doing this the speaker asked that the girls pray with her giving that area, which they have no control over because their bodies are changing, over to God. She then asked God to clear the girls’ minds of the desire to be anything but themselves. It was an amazing experience. I opened my eyes, tears streaming down my face, to see my daughter looking up at me, tears streaming down her face. Then I hugged her and prayed over her. I believe it changed our relationship forever.
In the following weeks I’ve had many opportunities to remind Mattie of the things she learned and experienced at the event. She’s battled hormones, a boy who put a mean sign on her back, a virus that caused her to miss a week of school, and then a double ear infection that caused her to miss even more. She’s been weary and overwhelmed. One day she said to me, “Mom, no matter what I do, I’ll never be enough.”
It broke my heart. It also reminded me of a speaker I listened to at our denomination’s women’s retreat several years ago. I wish I could remember her name so I could give her credit here, but I just can’t bring it to mind. What she said made an impact on me because she spoke right to what I was feeling as a young married mom. She said, “The world tells you you’re not enough and too much all at the same time.”
“The world tells you you’re not enough and too much
all at the same time.”
I’ve felt that. I’ve felt like there wasn’t enough of me to go around. Like I’d never be super mom. Like I am doomed to fail as a mother and as a lover of Christ. The world shoved works down my throat and asked me to “strive” to do better. All the while I felt bombarded by the feelings that I was too “over the top,” or “too emotional,” or “too excited.” I was not enough and yet too much.
What made things even worse was that those messages weren’t sent to me by a males-centric society, but rather, by other women! It went deeper than just what my clothes looked like to things like how long it took me to find a Bible verse or what I chose to wear to church. I felt like I had to constantly strive to be something I’m not—and every person had different expectations. I could never be enough. I never felt at peace. I still don’t, if I’m truly honest.
I remember being Mattie’s age. It was a horrible time. I remember sitting in my bed crying at night because the other girls at school were so cruel. I was a hugger and I just loved everyone. I remember my mother trying to get me to “just calm down,” and to “not wear my heart on my sleeve.” I remember sobbing and saying, “but you’re asking me not to be me.”
“but you’re asking me not to be me.”
What I’ve been pondering this week is, “How do we as mothers do this to our daughters?” Do I make Mattie feel like she’s not enough and yet too much? If I’m completely honest, yes, I do that. I don’t want her to be hurt by the legalism at her school, so I sometimes don’t let her wear what she wants—even if it fits dress code and it’s modest. I’ve seen her respond to this by not wanting to wear her hair down so that people won’t think she’s too proud of it, or that they think she’s a “girly-girl.”
All the while, I’m telling her things like, “calm down,” “not so loud,” “act like a big girl please.” I’m showing her that who she is, isn’t enough, and yet it’s too much. I’m training her to do the very things that I have fought to free myself from.
I told you at the beginning of this blog that this event changed our relationship forever. It’s starting with me. I’m starting to say things like “If you like your hair like that, then do it,” and after checking to see if something is modest asking, “Do you feel pretty in it? Then wear it!” Now, I’m not quite to the point of letting her wear paisley and plaid together (because I have to teach her some decorum) but the point is, I’m trying to accept her for who she is—so that she knows she’s enough for me.
I’m trying to accept her for who she is—
so that she knows she’s enough for me.
Our Heavenly Father created each of us because He wanted our companionship. He has a plan for our lives, and He never questions if we’re enough. He never feels that we’re too much either—because He made us to be who we are. He knows that we are perfect in our salvation from the blood of His precious Son. So why do we let Satan convince us that we’re not? Why do we let others do that to us?
That’s over at our house. My frog catching, snake loving, horse riding, girly-girl is perfectly created by a perfect God. It’s time I started treating her like it.
Lord, I repent of not showing Mattie her beauty that you placed in her. Help me to see her through Your perfect eyes. Help me to show her that whatever she does, if she does it for You she will be enough. Thank you Lord for re-making me as a mom…I love you Lord. Amen.
Staying Alert in Christ,
Megan
Playlist:
Jonny Diaz, “More Beautiful You” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNqQUojBg84
Casting Crowns, “All You Ever Wanted” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ea-uQFPcvaM
Big Daddy Weave, “Redeemed,” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzGAYNKDyIU
Staying Alert 