The other day, while driving, my daughter and I were discussing what song we might like to sing together for the annual Julatta service at our church.  For those of you who don’t live in a area predominantly filled with Swedish descendents, Julatta is a candlelight service that is held before sunrise on Christmas morning.  It’s a time that we gather as a church and focus on Christ and the miracle of His birth.  It’s beautiful, and the best way to start Christmas.  I’m not Swedish, but I love our little community and its wonderful traditions.  While Mattie and I were driving, we discussed one of my favorite Christmas songs, “Mary Did You Know?”  It’s a classic and we talked about turning it into a duet.  But as we drove, a realization hit me.  Mary couldn’t have known.  She couldn’t have begun to guess what would have happened. She was too young.

Mary was 12 when she was betrothed to Joseph—as was Jewish custom— and would have delivered Jesus at 13.  My daughter is 11—just one year younger than Mary when the Angel visited her.  I always think of Mary as an adult—wise, and pure.  But, she was so young!  She may have been like my daughter.  Mattie talks to me about what kind of man she wants to marry (he should look like Thor, have Captain America’s morals and courage, be a Christian, and a cowboy—high standards!), how she’s frightened to get her period, and how she’s not sure she wants to have kids because she knows it will hurt.  She’s a normal, sweet girl, who has normal and sweet fears.  She worries about things that I know will turn out okay in the end, but it’s good for her to explore these fears.  I remember having them.  I remember not wanting to get married because I didn’t want to have sex and have a baby–both I thought were gross!  It scared me.  I remembered being afraid the first time a boy held my hand.  I remember the nerves, the pimples, and the anxiety.   Mary was right in the middle of this stage—just as Mattie is beginning it now.  She must have been scared because the Angel had to say, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God,”  (Luke 1:30) to calm her.  And what he said next, would have been terrifying.  “You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.” (Luke 1: 31-33)

As I look back on this time in my life, I wonder what I would have said had the Angel appeared to me.  Was I strong enough to conquer my fears?  Is Mattie that strong?  Mary’s answer speaks through the ages.  “I am the Lord’s servant…May your word to me be fulfilled.”  She took her fear, swallowed it, and took the cross that was assigned to her by God.

As adults, we know how hard life can be.  Not everything God places in our paths is easy—there’s a reason why life is often called a trial.  I wonder what Mary’s mom did that made her so strong—so willing to obey.  I’ve heard some mothers say that obedience is what they expect most out of their children.  I think that’s fair when a child is young.   However, at some point, we need to help bridge the gap between making our children do what’s right because we said it was right, and guiding them into the right decision because it’s their decision to make.

Working in education for the last 10 years, I’ve seen many Christian teens at this crossroad.  They are ready to break out on their own.   Some parents just let them go—they want them to learn from their actions.  They offer too much freedom and the world rejoices.  Others close ranks and try to keep the world at bay.  Rebellion undeniably is the response to both of these parenting choices.  I’ve seen Christian kids go wild because when they became teenagers they stopped getting parented. And, I’ve also seen Christian teens rebel and become sullen and angry because they aren’t allowed to make any decision on their own.

So, how do we help these tweens and teens to not just obey, but believe?  They have to know that they know that God is mighty and can do all things.  First, we can’t be overprotective.  The world is full of examples, both good and bad, that we can use to teach our children about God.  Shutting the world out and expecting them to survive in it after they’re grown is foolish.  Second, we have to let them take the walk with us.  They have to hear our fears, see our failures, and watch God take control and lead us out of it.  In order for God to be real to them, He has to be real to us!  If we want them to have a life altering faith, they have to learn it from us!  I’ve seen many Christian parents who try to have everything put together, but their kids don’t really know them.  They want to be a “good” example, so they don’t show their kids what it’s really like to have a real faith in God.  So, these kids don’t know how to grow because they’ve never seen growth.  It’s amazing what a real example can do.

I’m not saying confess all your deepest fears and frustrations to your children. That’s not healthy for either of you.  You are their parent.   But let them get to know you.  Let them see who you really are.  Share appropriate frustrations.  Let them see you cry.  Let them see you pray!  Let them see that miracles happen everyday if you let God lead you.  Don’t be their warden or their friend.  Be their guide.  Help lead them into the Light of Christ by following you as you follow Him.

I wish I could say I’ve mastered this.  I haven’t.  I have a tendency to be pretty authoritative.  But, if I want Mattie to have the kind of faith that Mary had, I’ve got to see beyond obedience, and start to see what’s at stake.  I’ve got to be her guide.

Lord, I want Mattie to be like Mary.  I want her to be strong and overcome her fears.  Help me to be the kind of mom that leads by example—for the good and the bad–so that when her cross stands before her, she’ll choose of her own will, to take it up and follow You.